1.6 The Family of Farmers
Good morning, everybody. It's me, your host, Isaac Allen Burns, with another episode of DodoBorne! With me today is Rowan Collins playing Pistachio.
Rowan Collins:Oh, hi.
Isaac Allen Burns:And to Rowan's right, I've got Annie Hawthorne playing Crank.
Annie Hawthorne:Hello.
Isaac Allen Burns:And sitting across from Annie Hawthorne, I've got Joe Diametti playing Kapi. Hello. There we go. Nice. Now that everyone's here, why don't we delve in?
Isaac Allen Burns:Let's start with a bit of a recap. So our heroes were informed of an attack at the Droop family farm, also known as Pistachios family's farm, and quickly leapt into action. Arriving at the scene, they discovered an acid burrower, this large insectoid monster currently attacking the farm with Wally, Pistachio's brother, fending it off as best as he possibly could. But Chaboy was not a fighter and went down really quick after a splurge of acid to the face. That being said, our heroes were able to defeat the beasts using fisticuffs, a bit of magic, and clever use of a soft of rope.
Isaac Allen Burns:We find them now in the aftermath of the battle. Pistachio, your dad is laying on the ground in a lot of pain.
Joe Diametti:Okay.
Rowan Collins:Okay. Okay. Hey, dad. Hey. It's me, Pistachio.
Rowan Collins:I'm just gonna be my friend, Kapi, here. This is Kapi. Kapi is my boss. We're gonna bandage you. Why are you yelling at me?
Rowan Collins:I'm not yelling at
Isaac Allen Burns:you. Yelling at me, kid.
Rowan Collins:I'm not I'm not I'm trying to explain what's gonna happen. Alright. Start.
Joe Diametti:I'm gonna run back. Fix them.
Rowan Collins:Work it on it. Okay. I don't have I don't feel like I have the magic to do this. I just we're gonna bandage your arm. Okay?
Rowan Collins:Alright. And I got alcohol. You have alcohol. Right?
Joe Diametti:I don't have
Rowan Collins:Why do you don't have alcohol? Would I have alcohol?
Rowan Collins:Pistachio goes to their bag, and they definitely have alcohol in the bag that they probably bought. And they, like, push it to their father's lips to just be like, drink this. And then we're gonna set the arm.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, okay. Let's see how terrible this is. Go ahead and roll. What role do you think this would be? Knowledge or finesse?
Isaac Allen Burns:I think it would be Rowan. What do you think? Pistachio is
Rowan Collins:going on? Pistachio is definitely doing it out of knowledge because they have not actually set a bone. Neither one of these is good. That's actually worse for me. But
Isaac Allen Burns:Awesome. Hey. I don't know. I love that. I love that.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's really great. But Cathy is helping you right now.
Joe Diametti:So
Rowan Collins:true. I would like to use my experience, spend a hope to spend my experience, which is no longer sheltered because at this point, this is the first time that, Pistachio is setting a bone. So I'm gonna use that to add to to my thing.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay.
Rowan Collins:That was a 22 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns:Wow. Cathy, you leaned down to try and help. And before you could even get there, you see Pistachio has already set this thing into place. You instead kinda hold the man's shoulders as he screams in pain. Oh, what are you doing?
Isaac Allen Burns:There's a resounding pop as it's put into place.
Joe Diametti:You're good for it. I have a hole in me, and I'll slap his arm like a like a
Rowan Collins:I must I must ask you not to touch the patient in a harmful way. That is my father. Please don't hurt him anymore.
Joe Diametti:Has anyone ever told you you'd make a good doctor?
Rowan Collins:Yes. That's yes. Yes. I would. Dad, you're being very dramatic right now.
Rowan Collins:I need you to kinda chill out.
Joe Diametti:My arm.
Rowan Collins:I know your arm hurts. You literally do the same thing when you stubbed your toe. Do you want mom to come and kiss it better?
Isaac Allen Burns:I don't like your tone.
Annie Hawthorne:I don't like your tone.
Rowan Collins:You're so I right. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Joe Diametti:It's just very stupid. Tone?
Isaac Allen Burns:He tries to stand up, and then he kinda stumbles back at the ground again.
Rowan Collins:Okay. What else is hurting? I, like, try and check him over.
Isaac Allen Burns:You see, he's got, a thorn in his big toe. But he's a hoof. He's got hooves. See, there's a thorn in his hoof.
Rowan Collins:Okay. Alright.
Isaac Allen Burns:I can't walk.
Rowan Collins:Alright. Dad, I got you. Hold on one second. Alright. Kevin, do you have any, like, pliers or anything, like, that could take you see the or an elf's hoof?
Joe Diametti:I have my jacket.
Isaac Allen Burns:I have a I have a jacket.
Rowan Collins:You don't have
Joe Diametti:Let me check my pockets.
Rowan Collins:Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:You check your pocket.
Joe Diametti:I checked nothing.
Rowan Collins:Okay. Great. Well
Joe Diametti:I have a I have an envelope, and then I you see it for a second, I quickly stuff it back in.
Rowan Collins:Okay. Alright.
Joe Diametti:It's just it's it's it's one hoof.
Rowan Collins:Right.
Joe Diametti:It's his only hoof.
Rowan Collins:Yep. Alright. Hold on. Are you alright, dad? I think
Annie Hawthorne:he has 2 hooves Yeah.
Joe Diametti:Kathy. But it was in one hoof.
Rowan Collins:Nothing. I I pull off, the statue.
Isaac Allen Burns:One hoof right now.
Rowan Collins:I what
Isaac Allen Burns:days are over.
Rowan Collins:Just pull
Isaac Allen Burns:it up.
Rowan Collins:I'm I'm working on it. Kapi does Kapi wear shoes?
Annie Hawthorne:I wanna go find a stick that looks like it could
Annie Hawthorne:be used as a cane.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, yeah. You go off to the edge where the fence is where you see some, like, trees are there, and you find what kind of stick do you find?
Annie Hawthorne:You tell me.
Rowan Collins:I think
Annie Hawthorne:I find a massive tree branch that's, like, 6 feet long, and I, like, bring it back. And I'm like, hey, guys. I found this. And then I, like, break it in half over my knee and hand them half of the stick.
Rowan Collins:Oh, perfect. Thank you. Thank you.
Rowan Collins:Alright. Great. Gee, here's a quick question.
Rowan Collins:Don't hit
Isaac Allen Burns:me with the stick. Don't knock me out with the stick. I can't
Rowan Collins:tell you how. Wear shoes?
Joe Diametti:Yeah.
Rowan Collins:Alright. Kathy, I'm gonna need your sock real quick.
Joe Diametti:My sock?
Rowan Collins:Your sock. 1? You could give me both if you prefer.
Joe Diametti:This is getting weird. Pistachio.
Rowan Collins:I'm he's gotta bite down on something.
Joe Diametti:My sock?
Rowan Collins:Do you have anything else? The thorn
Rowan Collins:out. Okay.
Joe Diametti:I'll hold it.
Rowan Collins:You're gonna regret this, and they're gonna pull the thorn out of their dad's foot.
Isaac Allen Burns:He howls in pain. I say Ah.
Joe Diametti:I pet I pet I pet I pet his head. Everything's okay.
Rowan Collins:Can you
Isaac Allen Burns:press this roll for me?
Joe Diametti:Me? Yeah. Make a press release. Alright. My press is a plus one.
Joe Diametti:That's a 13 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay. He he kinda leads it to it. He's like,
Joe Diametti:he feels confident. Yeah. He he rests his head into his shoulders. Your shoulder. It's okay.
Annie Hawthorne:I'm just gonna lean over to Pistachio and say, is Kapi hitting on your dad now?
Rowan Collins:Pistachio is just like, I really can't deal with everything going on right now, so I'm just gonna table that for later.
Joe Diametti:And then I just drop him. Like Awesome. Alright. Who's this? Who are you?
Joe Diametti:And I point at the what is what is he?
Isaac Allen Burns:You see yeah. It's this blue Inferni. He's, you see he's currently, like, kneeled down next to Wall E. Mhmm. He's got a blanket on top of Wall E.
Isaac Allen Burns:He's got, like, a cold compress on his, like, head where you can see a layer of gauze. You also see what looks like one of those mortar and pestles Mhmm. And you see he's got a poultice on it, and he looks up at you and says, yes. Sorry. I, I'm visiting for the festival, and a young fawn woman was running by.
Isaac Allen Burns:I believe she was going to get the priest, but she said there was a creature attacking this farm, so I came to see how I could help. I have experience with being a combat medic. So, he looks down at your brother and looks up at you, pistachio, and says, are you the one who treated his wounds?
Rowan Collins:Yes. That was me. Hub. Yes. It was.
Rowan Collins:It was not the best job, but it was kind of under duress because this is my house too. And
Isaac Allen Burns:No. No. Quite the opposite. Considering the circumstances, you did a very good job of treating this. Due to the nature of this acid that comes from this creature, there will unfortunately be some scarring, but it won't be as horrific as it could have been had you not acted so quickly.
Isaac Allen Burns:So that was that was very well done.
Rowan Collins:Oh, thank goodness. Wally would be really angry with me if anybody hurt his mug. Thank you for treating Kim. We're gonna actually, Craig, can you help me take my dad to the house? We'll be back from my brother very shortly.
Isaac Allen Burns:Or do you have any, like, medical facilities that you can take him to?
Rowan Collins:We don't have, like, advanced medicine here. It's, like, kind of where, like, you know, a bar said that, like, it does, like, sees us in checkups and, like, marks our height and, like, tells us to eat more apples so we don't have to see him.
Isaac Allen Burns:I see. Like, family doctor.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. A fair family doctor.
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, it's good I got here when I did, I guess.
Rowan Collins:Are you a are you a doctor?
Isaac Allen Burns:Kinda wryly smiles and says, no. Not quite a doctor, but, I was I did act as a medic in the war
Annie Hawthorne:a couple years
Isaac Allen Burns:ago. So I'm familiar with wounds such as these.
Rowan Collins:Oh, wow. That's really that's really cool.
Isaac Allen Burns:He will need a little much rest in the next few days as he recovers, but you did very good work here.
Rowan Collins:Well, thank you. I was I tried.
Isaac Allen Burns:I saw the tail end of that fight. I mean, all of you fought very well against it, especially points at you crank, and so especially you, those fists are big.
Annie Hawthorne:Does this guy remind me of anyone I would have known?
Isaac Allen Burns:Make a knowledge check for me.
Annie Hawthorne:What's your role? I rolled an 8 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns:8 with fear. As you look at this thing, you feel like a twinge in your head. And due to the nature of what just occurred to you, it's not too uncommon after going red. So you're not quite sure if it's anything, but you sort of look at this thing. He looks at you and is just sort of, you know, has a small smile on, and he stands up and sort of dusts off his pants and says, well, I'm Ash, by the way.
Isaac Allen Burns:He holds out a hand to shake your hand.
Rowan Collins:Ash? Sure. Nice to meet you, and pistachio offers their hand out.
Isaac Allen Burns:You will shake it.
Rowan Collins:Cool.
Rowan Collins:How does this guy shake hands?
Isaac Allen Burns:Very professionally. Oh. Very professionally. One good shake, one strong shake. Not too hard to squeeze your hand, but, firm enough to know that he's there.
Joe Diametti:Maybe we get both your brother and your dad inside.
Rowan Collins:Well, I figured, like, if Craig, can you carry both of them at the same time?
Annie Hawthorne:I'll scoop one up in one arm and the other up in another arm, and I'll carry them like whole potato sacks.
Rowan Collins:Oh, okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:Wow. Nastacio's dad complains the whole time. My arm. Ugh,
Rowan Collins:dad. It's this is why I asked for the sock.
Joe Diametti:I'm glad I didn't have to take off my sock.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. You know? Happy, maybe you stay outside and hang out with Ash.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, I was actually going to take my leave and leave you all to it. They seem in good conditions.
Rowan Collins:Oh, are you sure you don't wanna talk with Kathy more? I feel like that would be very knowledgeable. He's like the, like, head of the adventure guild. Like, we're from the adventure guild. He's our boss.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh.
Rowan Collins:That I feel like y'all would get to know each other very well. I feel like that would be very good, please. And then Pistachio, like, looks at Ash in a way trying to say something that I thought that Ash could pick up on, but I don't know if Ash is very perceptive.
Isaac Allen Burns:Ash looks at you and reads your face and gives a big smile and says, no. I really have to go.
Rowan Collins:No. I'm sorry. It's Oh, don't.
Isaac Allen Burns:Starts walking away.
Rowan Collins:Hap. Yeah.
Joe Diametti:God. No. No. No. It's it's pistachio.
Joe Diametti:It's fine. Go inside with your family. I'll stay out here, and I'll I'll see Ash off. Ash has helped us a lot. I'm just gonna shake his hand.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Kathy.
Rowan Collins:Yes. Very good. Thanks. Yes. Yes.
Rowan Collins:Alright. Thank you, Kathy.
Joe Diametti:Thank you, Pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns:Hey. Ash is currently starting to walk away.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. Ash, I just you know, I didn't I didn't introduce myself. Kathy, I I reach out my hand. You know, just wanna say thank you for everything.
Isaac Allen Burns:He reaches out, takes your hand.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I shake it and then I go and I so and I and I kinda pull it closer so he can't quite leave. And so you're here for the Apple Festival.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yes. I am. Perfect.
Joe Diametti:I would like to use my slyborn community trait, which is scoundrel. Oh, okay. And it says I have advantage on any roles where I'm negotiating with criminals, which I'm not, detecting lies, which I am, or finding a safe place to hide. I wanna see if I can detect a lie.
Isaac Allen Burns:Go for it. Do it. What do I What is a role? I'm gonna say in this case because you are trying to detect a roll, this sounds most like an instinct roll.
Joe Diametti:Okay. Instinct, yeah, perceive sense. Man, why did I give myself nothing for this? 13 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns:13 with fear. Okay. On 13th, I'm gonna actually, this is great. Kathy, you look at this guy and you see his smile is very easy. He walks like someone without a care in the world.
Isaac Allen Burns:And he talks about being in the war. Thing is, as far as you know, Cyrus was in the war, and there are plenty of older individuals in town who fought in the war. It was only 10 years ago. Fawns live a long time. Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns:Whenever they talk about it, they get a look in their eyes. One of deep seated horror at what occurred. That there's something inside of them that they'll never get back because the war stole it from them.
Rowan Collins:Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns:This guy talks about the war. He's not lying. You definitely fought in the war, but you don't see that look in his eyes.
Joe Diametti:I hope to see you around.
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, unfortunately, I can only stay for the 1st day, but I hear it's really great.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. Sure is. Hey. Enjoy the town. Enjoy the festival, and then I let go.
Isaac Allen Burns:I plan to. And he smiles and starts walking away. And Kapi, with that fear, I think the move here is that, once again, there's something there. There's another piece.
Joe Diametti:Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns:But you just can't put it together. You can't put there is
Joe Diametti:Even as Joe, I can't. That's actually what's like, you you're saying it as if it's like a Kapi thing, but Joe also can't piece of I know there's something there.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. He walks away, with an easy stride. K. Crank, we'll go back in time a little bit. Crank, you step into the house, and immediately, this older fond woman, like, brundles up to you and is like, oh, by the gods.
Isaac Allen Burns:By the night. Are they okay? Are you okay? What happened? I saw I saw shadows and torches, and I heard my husband complaining and yelling.
Isaac Allen Burns:So I know he's fine, but it's not my side. It's my side. It's okay.
Annie Hawthorne:Everyone's okay. It's alright. We're all fine. Okay. Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne:Everyone's fine. I'll plop them down as gingerly as I can.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. There's, like, a big couch. One of those, like, almost like style couches.
Annie Hawthorne:Them on the couch.
Rowan Collins:And, this is Craig. Craig is my coworker and best friend. Oh,
Isaac Allen Burns:well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Craig. I see.
Annie Hawthorne:Hello. Yes. It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard so many good things about you.
Rowan Collins:Oh, oh,
Isaac Allen Burns:good. You see she's, like, on the verge of tears. She's, oh, that's wonderful. I'm so glad. Pistachio said a lot a lot of nice things about you too.
Rowan Collins:Are
Isaac Allen Burns:they okay?
Rowan Collins:Well, they're fine. They're fine. Wally is gonna have a little bit of a scar, but this is
Isaac Allen Burns:his face covered?
Rowan Collins:What do you
Isaac Allen Burns:mean a scar? Why is his face covered?
Rowan Collins:So, there was an acid burrower, and we, Kapi and Craig fought them off. And I was able to, let perform some quick stuff to make sure that he doesn't lose much more of his face. It's just going to have a little tiny scar. It's going to be a clay. He's, you know, he's very good with the ladies.
Rowan Collins:He's going to it's just going to up his points. He's going to get married off, you know, all of that good stuff that you worry about. And then dad is fine. Dad's great. His arm is was broken.
Isaac Allen Burns:Has Wally been getting around, Pistachio? Has Wally been does is Wally dating someone, and he hasn't told me?
Rowan Collins:I don't think he's dating someone. What? Pistachio. I don't think he's dating someone. He did have a thing for Scarlet for a little bit, and they were kind of, like, talking.
Rowan Collins:Oh, Scarlet's
Isaac Allen Burns:a darling. Kapi walks in at this point. What?
Rowan Collins:Oh, hi, Kapi.
Joe Diametti:What? Oh, hi.
Rowan Collins:This is,
Joe Diametti:What about Scarlet?
Rowan Collins:Hi. Have you met my that pistachio. You see there's a moment in their brain and on their face where they're like, I don't wanna break this, Kathy's heart about Scarlet, but they really don't want Kathy to flirt with her mom. And the 2 wolves inside them are or I guess in this case, the 2 dodos inside of them are, like, fighting. And then they're like, I think the greater good is to let him flirt with my mom.
Rowan Collins:And they go, oh, hi. Cathy, have you met my mom?
Joe Diametti:Oh, yeah. What's your describe your mom? I just need to know what Kathy needs to know what what he's working with.
Rowan Collins:Alright. So, Almond is a, a very nice looking older fawn with, like, a wavy, hair that kinda comes down to, like, her chin and then, like, it's kind of short in the back with, like, little tiny, like, deer antlers coming out. She's got, like, a very she looks like you know, again, she's an older lufan, but she's, like, very white, nicely shaped. She's kept in good, health. She's got those mom hips.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. And she, you know, has been married a long time and has taken a lot of good care of herself. She's like the face of the farm, so she, like, really
Joe Diametti:Yeah.
Rowan Collins:Puts a lot of
Joe Diametti:Pilates?
Rowan Collins:Yeah. Pilates, like, tiny little, like, glasses, but that, like, really suit her face because
Annie Hawthorne:she's got
Rowan Collins:a very nice, face. Like, what I'm trying to say is Pistachio's mom is a MILF. Okay? Nice.
Joe Diametti:So Kathy walks in, and he thinks he's here at Scarlet, and then he sees her. He's like, oh, hello. I wandered in because I was worried I might need some treatment, and he, like, lifts kinda like his shirt up where the the wound is, but I think there's probably there's probably a 6 pack. I think he like, he's it's the skinny 6 pack.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, I see.
Joe Diametti:And he's too skinny to not. Kapi is exactly what about
Isaac Allen Burns:that vicious V? Does Kapi have a vicious V?
Joe Diametti:Yeah. For sure. Yeah. He's got the V. And he's like, I just thought and he kinda lifts his shirt up strategically to you know, just be like, I was I was just wondering if maybe someone could take a look at this.
Rowan Collins:Wow.
Joe Diametti:And I'm just, like, keeping eye contact with what Almond Almond? What a roll for Almond right now. Should I?
Isaac Allen Burns:Find out. Actually, you know what? We could both roll. Rowan, I do wanna know. Would you say a high roll or a low roll is what pistachio would want your mom to roll.
Isaac Allen Burns:Like, in the sense of not being charmed by Kapi, would it need to be a high roll or a low roll?
Rowan Collins:Oh, I think a higher roll. It would be in my thoughts. I think a low role, because I I would feel like Almond does a lot of, like, like, the selling of the nuts, if you will. So I feel like she is a businesswoman, if you will.
Annie Hawthorne:Girl boss.
Isaac Allen Burns:She's a bit of a girl boss. Yeah.
Rowan Collins:She's a little she's a very much girl boss. She's an almond mom. You know? She's a she's a yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns:So, like, you can kinda think of it as, you know, she will take what she wants. Right?
Rowan Collins:Yeah. Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns:You know, we should both roll. We're both gonna roll, and then we're gonna find out what we
Joe Diametti:should do. Presence for charm?
Isaac Allen Burns:We're gonna say this is presence. Absolutely. Alright, man. You know what, Kathy? You can have advantage.
Joe Diametti:Alright. Advantage?
Isaac Allen Burns:You get advantage.
Joe Diametti:I already have plus 1. Alright. Cool. Hang on. You don't tell me twice.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh my god.
Joe Diametti:Well, that's a crit before my Oh
Rowan Collins:my god.
Rowan Collins:God. No.
Annie Hawthorne:Wow. Kathy is your new dad.
Joe Diametti:I know. And then I had a 2. Not that it matters really.
Isaac Allen Burns:But So she looks at, Kathy, and she says, oh, dear. Are you hurt? And she'll go up and, like, put a hand to wear your Yeah.
Joe Diametti:And as she does that, I say, I am.
Rowan Collins:I've become a
Joe Diametti:little better now.
Rowan Collins:Oh my god.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, I'm so
Rowan Collins:I'm so
Isaac Allen Burns:glad that you're okay.
Rowan Collins:Of course. Yeah.
Joe Diametti:You your hands, they
Rowan Collins:My father is right here.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, my arm hurts. I got a splinter in my hoof.
Joe Diametti:She says, I would I would expect your hands to be rougher with the farm.
Isaac Allen Burns:My husband typically works the farm. He's so tired all the time.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. Well, who's how do you get your energy off?
Isaac Allen Burns:I find my ways. She's
Rowan Collins:Bob, Kapi's, Kapi's jacket needs a sewing. Do you can you Wait.
Joe Diametti:Is there something wrong with my jacket? Wait. Well, here.
Isaac Allen Burns:Why don't you take your jacket off real fast and I'll have
Joe Diametti:a look at it? Okay. Yeah. And he, like, slowly and does, you know he he broadens his chest as he does it.
Rowan Collins:Oh my god. Oh my god.
Isaac Allen Burns:She takes, she takes your jacket and looks at the back of it, and I'll let you decide, Joe. Is this jacket armed?
Joe Diametti:Yeah. Let's say there's a hole in it.
Isaac Allen Burns:There's a small hole in it. She looks and says, oh, no.
Joe Diametti:No. No. No. No. No.
Joe Diametti:No. No. No.
Annie Hawthorne:Don't worry, Kapi. Scars add character.
Joe Diametti:No. No. No. Can we can we fix, can we fix the can we fix the jacket?
Isaac Allen Burns:Of course. I can I have I can sew? Yeah. It'll probably take me all night. You might have to come back tomorrow for it.
Rowan Collins:Oh, yeah. Would you like a sweater to to take its place for now? I could I can I can spare you a sweater or 2? Do you have
Joe Diametti:a sweater that would fit me?
Rowan Collins:Yes. Up in my father's room. I will grab you a sweater cap. Yes. I will do that.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I I did you need me to stay, Almond, for any help with the repair?
Isaac Allen Burns:You see that she's about to say something? No.
Rowan Collins:We do not need your help. She is a very skilled woman, and she
Joe Diametti:Oh, she's good with her hands, but he's making eye contact with Almond waxes.
Rowan Collins:Kathy, I do not need another father. Thank you.
Joe Diametti:Pistachios.
Isaac Allen Burns:Pistachio, she says.
Rowan Collins:Okay. I can literally cut the sexual tension in the room with
Rowan Collins:a butter knife
Joe Diametti:for a
Rowan Collins:little bit
Isaac Allen Burns:of time. You that way.
Joe Diametti:Don't you just love pistachio's imagination? I find it brings me great joy
Rowan Collins:every day. God. Stop.
Isaac Allen Burns:At them.
Rowan Collins:I can't believe that they're just gonna get so enraged. They, like, pop into a dodo, and they just scream, you know, like, what? Which, again, as previously established, they do have not used magic in their house before.
Isaac Allen Burns:Your mother screams, and you see your father, his eyes, like, go wide. He says, where where's my child? The sashio, where are you?
Annie Hawthorne:Don't worry. It's just magic.
Isaac Allen Burns:What? Don't
Annie Hawthorne:worry. It's just magic. They do this all the time.
Isaac Allen Burns:Child. Where's the satio?
Joe Diametti:Yeah. They do this once
Rowan Collins:per episode.
Annie Hawthorne:Don't worry. The satio is still the same person inside.
Rowan Collins:See, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, and they're just, like, madly, like, like, pecking at Kapi. Like, get out of my house. Oh my god.
Joe Diametti:You were gonna give me a sweater little, didn't you?
Rowan Collins:Then follow Bee, squawk,
Rowan Collins:and they say and they are, like, march off towards their parents' house, and they, like, meemag you, like, follow Bee.
Isaac Allen Burns:As you 2 leave, you see that the father looks at Crank and says, well, Crankles, was it? What's your what what are you called? Crank. Cranky?
Annie Hawthorne:Just crank.
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, just crank. Seems there's a lot about my child. I don't know. Are you telling me that my child can do magic?
Annie Hawthorne:Yes. They're very skilled at magic. I'm trying to learn from them. I haven't had any luck so far. I I try to turn into a dodo every night after everyone goes to sleep.
Isaac Allen Burns:You do?
Annie Hawthorne:But but it never works. I I try so hard.
Isaac Allen Burns:What are you trying to do?
Annie Hawthorne:I just try to imagine that I am a dodo. I that's that's what Pistachio always says that they do. So I just I sit there and I think really, really hard. And and one time, like, I popped a bolt out of my jaw.
Rowan Collins:Oh. But
Annie Hawthorne:I still haven't been able to do it. And, you know, sometimes I also try to talk to vegetables.
Isaac Allen Burns:Just talk to vegetable. Is that another
Annie Hawthorne:thing to tell you? Can talk to vegetables. And so I have this I open up my little chest cavity, and I pull out a half eaten turnip.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh my god.
Rowan Collins:And I'm
Annie Hawthorne:just like, yeah. And this turnip I'm I'm trying to, like, communicate with this turnip, but I haven't I haven't had any luck so far. But
Isaac Allen Burns:Just crank, I hate to tell you, that's an old turnip. It's getting brown at the edges.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, I can't really smell.
Isaac Allen Burns:It smells bad. You should probably get rid of that.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, maybe I should find a new turnip then again. Do you think that this turnip's dead, and that's why I can't talk to it?
Isaac Allen Burns:You know, I'm a nut farmer. I I had my job is to nut, and I don't eat
Rowan Collins:my dog.
Isaac Allen Burns:Craig, I've been nutting for years. My father nutted. His father nutted, and my children will nut for the rest of their lives. You understand? He puts a hand on your shoulder, Craig.
Isaac Allen Burns:It says, I don't know anything about magic.
Rowan Collins:I don't
Isaac Allen Burns:know anything about turnips. I know one thing. That's none. Very good. As the 2 of you have this conversation, Rowan and Joe, you head somewhere else in the house.
Isaac Allen Burns:Rowan, where are we going in this house?
Rowan Collins:You have, like, the the kitchen and you have, like, the dining room and you have the living room and then you have the den. And then, like, right past that, there's, like, a coat closet where they're pulling out, like, different sweaters as they are, well, they're trying to hop up and get the sweaters, and they're just, like, pecking at the door and then just, like
Joe Diametti:You really need to be a dodo still.
Rowan Collins:I'm very upset with you for flirting with my bob.
Joe Diametti:I flirting with your I I I don't like this tone.
Rowan Collins:Are you trying to pop up me right now? Pistachio. Kapi? You can be my boss, and you can be my friend, but I would really prefer if you were to my dad.
Joe Diametti:I Pistachio, I can never I can never be your dad, but maybe I could be there. And he puts his little pats to the your head.
Rowan Collins:And then pistachio just turns back to the door and
Rowan Collins:bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Open the stupid closet door.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I opened the door.
Rowan Collins:And then they hop up and they grab a similar, like, sweater to what you were wearing, which was, like, green with, like, the cream sleeves similar, and then that they had stitched to, like, a little a on it. It seemed like it's been, like, a new sweater.
Joe Diametti:Did you make this for me, pistachio?
Rowan Collins:Yeah. This is wow. This one was supposed to be a surprise for your birthday whenever I figured out when your birthday was, which I and,
Joe Diametti:Yeah. Don't worry about it. And I don't know when my birthday is.
Rowan Collins:You You don't know when your birthday is?
Joe Diametti:But this is great. Hey. Look at the material.
Rowan Collins:They, It's
Joe Diametti:gonna show my arms off really well.
Rowan Collins:They it's definitely a cable knit sweater.
Joe Diametti:Yeah.
Rowan Collins:They pop out of beast form just for this. And they, like, look at you and they go, you don't know what your birthday is?
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I don't I don't know. I didn't do no. This this is great. Thank you, pistachio.
Rowan Collins:Well, you're you're welcome. But,
Joe Diametti:Kathy And he and he remembers something and runs back to the jacket. He's gotta get that letter out real quick.
Isaac Allen Burns:As Kathy runs out of the room, seemingly away from the conversation, and, Crank, you're standing there with the dad, you hear a door burst open, and it's Kathy, and he's running in. And then a second door bursts open. You see in the front, you see 2 individuals. One of them looks very similar to pistachio, except they have big glasses and it's hazel. Behind them is a dwarven man wearing, these kind of nice white robes with the symbol of the ennead, which is, of course, as we all know, the sort of, major religion in Altea.
Isaac Allen Burns:Hey, it's me, your GM, Isaac Allan Burns. And just to be clear, the ennead is called that because there are 9 gods in the pantheon. Everybody here knows what they are, so I don't have to say. Back to it. Frank, you see father Graham behind Hazel.
Isaac Allen Burns:This is the priest, local priest of Bracken Road. You see that he has a bag of sort of, like, small medical supplies. He often acts as the family doctor. You see that he runs in. Hazel also runs in and, like, kneels next to Wally and looks at you, Crank, and says, what happened?
Isaac Allen Burns:Where is everyone? What happened?
Annie Hawthorne:I'm honestly not sure. What? I punched an acid burrower, like, 4 times and then it died. You punched it and it died? Well, it was wrapped in vines when it died.
Annie Hawthorne:I'm not really sure how the vine
Joe Diametti:Kathy says a little bit happened in between that and that as he's, like, putting on his sweater.
Isaac Allen Burns:Who are you people, actually?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, I'm Crank. Hi. It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you.
Joe Diametti:Oh, you're Crank. Yes. Okay. And I'm Kathy.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay. Okay. You've heard a lot? Oh, you're Kathy?
Joe Diametti:Yes. I'm Kathy. Oh. Oh. Anyways Wait.
Isaac Allen Burns:What what happened to my brother? Why is his face covered?
Rowan Collins:That would be b Hazel. That's b, pistachio says having chased be back in and hearing Hazel's voice. He got spit on by an acid burrower, so I fixed his face.
Joe Diametti:Hey. Let's rip this band aid off real quick. Do you know that pistachio does magic? And then he goes to his jacket and pulls the letter out and puts it in the fuck.
Isaac Allen Burns:Pistachio, what the fuck is he talking about?
Rowan Collins:He's a it's not
Isaac Allen Burns:You could do magic now?
Rowan Collins:Yes. I could do magic.
Annie Hawthorne:Why do you sound angry? Magic is wonderful.
Joe Diametti:Wait. Are you the only one that can do magic in your family?
Rowan Collins:Yes. I'm the only one who could do magic in my family. Okay? Yes. I could do magic, Hazel.
Rowan Collins:Sorry. I didn't tell you. You've been avoiding me since, you know, I've been trying to become a doctor. Just haven't talked to me. So like, whatever, I guess you didn't know.
Rowan Collins:Now you know. Surprise.
Isaac Allen Burns:She looks at you, what seems like an eternity. And she just stands and says, I'm glad everyone's okay. And she brushes past you and goes up to her room.
Joe Diametti:You're gonna be a doctor?
Rowan Collins:It's, yeah. That's when I was coming. Sorry. I I need to go talk to her and Stacio will turn on and go back upstairs.
Isaac Allen Burns:Stacio, you run upstairs as the rest of you, you're putting on your jacket. Craig, you're standing there. You see that father Graham has immediately begun tending to Wally, is kinda looking, and he kinda turns to the 2 of you and says, Oh, wow. Who treated him? Was it one of you 2?
Isaac Allen Burns:Mhmm. This poultice, this mixture.
Joe Diametti:I don't remember. I was bleeding pretty bad.
Isaac Allen Burns:This stuff is what you find a lot of mercenaries will use on the field. It's very fast acting. It's also very rare.
Annie Hawthorne:Can I recall anything about these mercenaries?
Isaac Allen Burns:Make a knowledge check for me.
Rowan Collins:I don't have a knowledge.
Annie Hawthorne:15 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns:You have a fear. What you all would know about mercenaries is they're sort of the opposite side of the coin of the adventuring guild. Kind of similar to adventuring guilds, they'll take on different jobs, but the difference is they do so for money, and there is no limit to what they will do. Right? So as you're thinking back, right, flashing in your mind, in your circuits, are these disparate images of war.
Isaac Allen Burns:You see people on the ground bleeding out, limbs missing, gashes all across their body. You see and feel magic being thrown across the field, and sure enough, you see a mercenary in red armor laying on the ground. You see a bag next to him full of these ingredients. One of them is this vial with this golden hair suffused through it. It almost glows, and you flash back for a moment.
Isaac Allen Burns:Where'd you go, big guy?
Annie Hawthorne:I have seen this before. Where? In battle.
Joe Diametti:In battle?
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns:You 2 are kinda having this conversation on the side. You see that father Graham has pulled, both the parents over and seemed to be talking to a hush tone.
Joe Diametti:I I like I lean over to Crank. What's your read here on all of this?
Annie Hawthorne:I don't know. I feel weird about that blue guy, Ash.
Joe Diametti:You too? Yeah. Or usually it's just me.
Annie Hawthorne:No. I feel weird about this whole situation. Frankly. Like, that asset borrower shouldn't have been here. Like, this almost feels like another distraction.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. As you ponder this, we go upstairs. In the room, you step in, pistachio, and you see your sister is on her side of the room. You see that she's putting on her work boots.
Rowan Collins:Hazel Hazel, we've gotta talk.
Isaac Allen Burns:What do we have to talk about?
Rowan Collins:Well, you're clearly upset, and you haven't talked to me in weeks. And I feel like we live at the same room, and we used to be really, really close. So, like, you gotta talk to me. Okay?
Isaac Allen Burns:She, like, laces up her boots and stands up and turns and looks at Jill with a very kinda, like, blank expression and says, what is there to talk about, pistachio?
Rowan Collins:Well, you're bad at me for 1. And I'm sorry to tell you about the magic. It really happened all so quickly when they sent me away for, grandpappy's farm. And then you just haven't talked to me since mom and dad said that you're gonna send me to the adventuring guild and then to school, and I I feel like you're bad at me. And I I don't want to you to be mad at me.
Rowan Collins:We're we're literally we're literally twins. Okay? Like, you've always been my, like, my backup, my my my sister. You know? Like, it's weird not having you here.
Isaac Allen Burns:Satchel, I'm always here. If I'm not here in this room, she points to the fields, I'm out there working so incredibly hard because somebody has to around here. And now, Pistachio, both our brother and our father are out for the count. The Apple Festival, when we're supposed to be done with all this, is only days away. So now it's me.
Isaac Allen Burns:Now I have to go out there and do all of that work. Mom can't do it.
Joe Diametti:Can you do it?
Rowan Collins:No. I can't. I'm allergic. No. I can't.
Isaac Allen Burns:This is what I have to do. I'm so happy for you, pistachio. You get to go out and be something. I'm just here. Not until the day I die.
Rowan Collins:He's sorry.
Isaac Allen Burns:For what? What are you sorry for, pistachio? You want me to say, oh, it's all good. It's okay. Will that make me feel better?
Isaac Allen Burns:No. Says you didn't do anything.
Rowan Collins:But the beta doctor was your dream.
Isaac Allen Burns:I would love to get out of this town. I would love to help people, but you and I both know that mom and dad need help on this farm and wouldn't dream of letting me go. The only reason any of us get to go is because you are physically incapable of doing it.
Rowan Collins:Maybe I maybe I could go with some otherwise or, you know, maybe, like, when we get enough money, then I can maybe maybe they won't have to and you can get out of here or something. I just I feel bad. It shouldn't have been me.
Isaac Allen Burns:You see that she walks over to you, just stands really close to you, and just holds her arms out and gives you a big hug.
Rowan Collins:They hug back, and they squeeze really, really hard, and they're just, like, crying.
Isaac Allen Burns:I know it's not your fault, Pistachio. And I'm sorry that I am mad at you because you didn't do anything. But I still I don't know. She just sorta like squeezes you one time and then steps back and says, I gotta go to the fields. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:Someone has to harvest these things. We'll talk later. Okay. She she grabs her bag and her nut and gear, and she steps out of the room.
Rowan Collins:I really wish I knew how to do it. And they like take a pause and they like go downstairs.
Isaac Allen Burns:You go downstairs, Crank and Kathy, as you're having this conversation, you see Hazel kinda walks quickly out of the house. You can tell that she's like, she kind of gives a sniffle. You can see that she's barely holding back tears. And she steps out of the house as the 3 older individuals in the room kind of watch her leave. And then father Graham turns, to all of you and says, okay, well, Wally is going to need some rest.
Isaac Allen Burns:So, if one of you can help me carry him upstairs to his room, does anyone know where his room is?
Rowan Collins:Yeah. Just, Wally's room's this way.
Annie Hawthorne:I'll just pick Wally up and I'll follow pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. You carry him up, and the 3 of you are sort of in pistachio's room. You put Wally down. He's breathing easily. He's breathing peacefully.
Isaac Allen Burns:And the 3 of you have this moment together. Father's gone? Father's gone. Yeah.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. He Kapi watches father leave and close the door and he's, like, side eyeing. Pistachio.
Rowan Collins:Hey. Hey, happy to lose out. I like your sweater?
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I love my sweater, kid. You okay? Rough day?
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. Why does your sister hate magic?
Rowan Collins:She doesn't hate magic. She kinda just hates me right now. But it's okay. It's a complicated story. You know?
Rowan Collins:We're born into nothing, and all of us will die nothing except for me just because I can't nut you know, up allergic. Right? Oh, gotcha. So, anyway, she's the only one right now who can she's the only one right now who can farm, and I can't help her. And it was her dream to get out of here, and she doesn't get to go.
Rowan Collins:Wally's gonna rest real good.
Joe Diametti:How did you make that?
Rowan Collins:No. We did, I didn't make the poultice. We were helping my dad. Remember? I I think Ash made it while we were fixing my dad's arm.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I shoot. Crank a look.
Rowan Collins:Why? Yeah. I made it. It was a pit poultice.
Joe Diametti:I'm gonna can I can I be honest with you too? Sure. Great. I'm starting to have trouble trusting a lot of people in this town. Can I list off my list of suspects so far?
Rowan Collins:Sure. Sure.
Joe Diametti:Great. So far, we have
Annie Hawthorne:Is there a crime that we're trying to solve?
Joe Diametti:No. But something clearly is happening here. Right?
Rowan Collins:I mean
Annie Hawthorne:We had a Sebastian You you said suspects like you are suspecting something.
Joe Diametti:Yes. I I'm expecting things bad things to happen, and I have suspects that are conspiring conspiring. Conspiring. That's the word.
Rowan Collins:We see. I
Isaac Allen Burns:keep getting words wrong.
Joe Diametti:I think that's my new favorite thing. Because it's almost all of them. Sometimes it's on purpose, and sometimes it's not. I had suspects who are conspiring
Annie Hawthorne:I'm gonna open my chest cavity and pull out a dictionary and say, you need this.
Joe Diametti:Babe. Conspiring. Something bad's happening. Something bad is happening. Right?
Joe Diametti:We have Sebastian. Uh-huh. That was all a distraction. We have this acid borrower. When's the last time there was an acid burrower here?
Joe Diametti:Never. There's never been an acid burrower here.
Annie Hawthorne:I would know. I've only been here for 3 weeks.
Joe Diametti:Well, I'm telling you, there's never
Rowan Collins:been an acid burrower here while here. And he had that knife that was really that almost, like, really messed me up.
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. Yeah. The spy knife.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. Like, there's something going on. So people I'm suspicious of. I'm no. I'm suspicious of the librarian, your mother.
Rowan Collins:No. Go
Joe Diametti:ahead. I'm suspicious of Carol at the bakery. I'm suspicious of
Rowan Collins:Carol? She's the little doodie thing.
Joe Diametti:I'm suspicious of Graham. Suspicious of all the wrong people. Father Graham. I'm suspicious of Ash that we met?
Annie Hawthorne:That's
Joe Diametti:Ash. Ash.
Rowan Collins:Ash. Suspicious.
Annie Hawthorne:That's the first of a suspicious person you've
Joe Diametti:named. Your sister?
Rowan Collins:Why my sister?
Joe Diametti:I'm suspicious.
Rowan Collins:Wait. Wait. Why Hazel?
Annie Hawthorne:Kapi, I think you have trust issues.
Rowan Collins:I might Wait. Her. Why are
Joe Diametti:you suspicious? Stay with me. This is clearly a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top.
Rowan Collins:Hazel is nowhere near the top.
Joe Diametti:But, Hazel's, we're all pieces in this game. Don't you see?
Annie Hawthorne:Are you suspicious of yourself?
Joe Diametti:Am I no. I I'm the only one making sense here, gang. You gotta stay with me. Okay?
Rowan Collins:Okay.
Joe Diametti:Listen. The Apple Festival is in just a few days. Clearly, they are trying to take down the festival.
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. I think you're having paranoid delusions. I've read about this in a book.
Rowan Collins:Is there anybody that we know that is coming to the festival that is, like, really important? Because it brings a lot of people in.
Isaac Allen Burns:It does. It brings a lot of people local to the province, the Vy County of Aljena Bai. Yeah. Really. This is a this is small potatoes.
Isaac Allen Burns:Like, no one from the king, no one from the capital of Regulus will be there. It's just mostly local people. Viscount Edgar Balthazar will be in attendance. A lot of people from across Volvane do come to this, kind of in the same way that, like, one of your coworkers goes to a bluegrass festival in the middle of nowhere every year where you're just like, oh, yeah. I guess that has happened.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's kind of the vibe it gives. This is a very niche thing.
Rowan Collins:I don't know why they would choose us.
Joe Diametti:I'm suspicious of Stithaniel?
Rowan Collins:Oh, yes. Stathaniel.
Joe Diametti:I'm suspicious.
Annie Hawthorne:Suspicious of people. Okay.
Rowan Collins:Okay. I think maybe what we should do is, why don't we find Ash right now?
Annie Hawthorne:That's a good idea.
Joe Diametti:Yes. This sounds good. And I will go check on
Rowan Collins:Scarlet.
Joe Diametti:I was gonna say Nefene. Oh. But, yeah, I have Scarlet too.
Rowan Collins:Well, I mean, the Apple Festival's biggest draw is the apples. Mhmm. And she's the daughter. What do you what? Yeah.
Rowan Collins:Maybe it's Scarlet.
Joe Diametti:What are you so big. Both of you?
Rowan Collins:I'm saying that she's really important. I do think she has suspicions. Well, I was thinking
Annie Hawthorne:Maybe she's seen some stuff happening around the apple orchard.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. We need to, see if she's got any ideas, and that would just give us another reason for us to go see her.
Joe Diametti:Okay. Alright. You know what? You're right. I'll
Isaac Allen Burns:go check
Joe Diametti:on her.
Rowan Collins:Wearing a nice cable knit sweater.
Annie Hawthorne:That's Yes. It does look very nice on you. Makes your arms look nice.
Rowan Collins:Thank you. As I've mentioned before, the sexiest of all sweaters. So you've got immense appeal right now.
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. Yeah. Now she gets to see what's under that jacket. The jacket's pretty baggy.
Joe Diametti:She's seen what's okay. Alright. Yeah. I'll go check on Scarlet.
Rowan Collins:Okay. Well, we should probably come with you because we're currently just chatting in front of Wally's room.
Isaac Allen Burns:As you say that, as you start making plans to go do things, a wave of exhaustion hits the 3 of you as midnight strikes. Any chance to go do anything might be best for the next morning.
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. Yeah. It's probably time to get some rest.
Rowan Collins:Would you guys it's kind of been a lot. Do you guys buy actually staying?
Joe Diametti:I yeah. My jacket's here anyways. I gotta wait till the morning for it to be thick.
Rowan Collins:We can have a sleepover in my room.
Joe Diametti:Oh, yeah. We could have a sleep.
Annie Hawthorne:In your room? I'm I take up a lot of space.
Rowan Collins:You should.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I could sleep on the couch.
Rowan Collins:No. My father is still on the couch.
Joe Diametti:He's not going to bed?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh my god.
Rowan Collins:Kathy, you're not leaving my sight. Okay? Alright. Plus, Hazel's gonna be working all night to try and get everything back together. So
Joe Diametti:Okay. Yeah. I can do that.
Rowan Collins:Don't hit on my sister either.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay.
Rowan Collins:Alright. Look. I happy I really like and respect you as a person. Please don't make this weird.
Joe Diametti:Frank, do you have, like, waves that you can play? Like, do you have, like, a sound machine in there?
Rowan Collins:We're going to my room, please. Let's leave let's leave Wally alone to sleep.
Isaac Allen Burns:You all head to pistachio slash Hazel's room and finding your own comfortable spots on the floor or on Pistachio's bed, you all go to sleep.
Joe Diametti:Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne:I'll, I end up recording that I'm made of some rain or something and play that. I'll put it on a sleep timer for like 59 minutes.
Isaac Allen Burns:Incredible. Oh my goodness. All of you drift off to sleep unless there's anything anyone wants to do before they go to bed.
Annie Hawthorne:I'm gonna, at the very end of my little sleep timer, if I think that they're both asleep, I'm going to pull out that rotten turnip that I have and I'm going to like hold it up to my ear antenna thing. I'll be like,
Rowan Collins:hello. Can you hear me? Are you there?
Isaac Allen Burns:You swear you hear the faintest? And that's where we'll end this episode of DodoBorne. Tune in next time with a brand new day and a brand new set of challenges for our 3 favorite heroes. Hey. Squawk on 3.
Isaac Allen Burns:123. Squawk. Hey. It's a podcast.
