Everybody, it's your GM Isaac Allen Burns here to give you a little bit of context as to what this is. So back couple months ago, there were a couple of rules that were released back in March, and we wanted to try and test those out. So I had them make characters very different from what they were before, and we then ran this one shot and me as your GM forgot that it had to have combat in it to actually showcase any of those rules. So this, you know, it didn't exactly do what we were hoping it to, but we thought it was still pretty good. There's still some good stuff in there.
Isaac allen Burns:So we hope you enjoy maybe the worst one shot that I've ever done. So cue the music. Hey, everybody. Welcome hey, everybody. Welcome let me try that again.
Isaac allen Burns:Sorry. Hey, everybody. Welcome to this, a bonus episode of Dodo Born Podcast. And with me today are the same people but with different faces. To my left, I have Rowan Collins.
Isaac allen Burns:Rowan Collins, why don't you say the name of your new character and then say hello?
Rowan Collins:Sure. So today, I am playing section d processor j, otherwise known as DJ, A fungal wild born wizard school of knowledge.
Isaac allen Burns:Oh. We're playing a wizard. Across the table from Rowan Collins, we have one, Joe Diomede.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I am playing Kinsey, the underborn in Faerie Seraph.
Isaac allen Burns:Oh. Seraph. Seraph.
Annie Hawthorne:Seraph. Seraph. Seraph.
Isaac allen Burns:Seraph Seraph. Am I right, gang? Hey.
Rowan Collins:We have sans seraph.
Isaac allen Burns:We got a serif. We got a wizard. And then in between the two of them sitting on the bench, we've got one, Annie Hawthorne.
Annie Hawthorne:Hey, everybody. It's an orc warrior named May, who has been an outcast from her clan for fighting with dishonor. So
Rowan Collins:Uh-oh. Dishonor amongst warriors.
Isaac allen Burns:And it's me, the same old person, Isaac Allen Burns. I'm still your GM. I'm still your best friend. I'm still moving on. Well, gang, let's start in the present, except let's go to the past by about a handful of years.
Isaac allen Burns:We're back in the schoolhouse. Pistachio, you are a child once again. And up at the front, Timothee Toulouse is speaking to your class. He says, alright, everybody. Now just remember, soon it will be peace day, which as you know corresponds to the Spring Solstice.
Isaac allen Burns:So, just make sure you wear green to school or you will get kicked in the shins. Okay?
Rowan Collins:Mr. Toulouse?
Isaac allen Burns:Yes, Pistachio.
Rowan Collins:But can I wear a please don't kick me in the shins shirt that might not be greed because I think I think my green shirt might be a little bit torn up from the last time?
Joe Diametti:Mister Toulouse? Yes? Can I wear my kick me, I'm solstice shirt?
Isaac allen Burns:Well, you as long as
Rowan Collins:they're Yes.
Annie Hawthorne:Can I wear my father's green chalk strap?
Rowan Collins:I'm sorry, Annie. Wanna say that again?
Joe Diametti:You wanna say that for the mic
Isaac allen Burns:just one more time?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, that
Isaac allen Burns:was funny.
Joe Diametti:Annie has literally fallen out of the chair for
Isaac allen Burns:Jesus. I'm learning so much about my students that I truly do not Listen, everyone. Settle down. Settle down, children. Look, you can as long as you're wearing green because we all here know the tradition of Peace Day and where it came about.
Isaac allen Burns:Right?
Rowan Collins:Oh, dear.
Isaac allen Burns:Okay. Well, allow me to explain. And you see Timothee pulls down the chalkboard and begins to write. And he writes 13 o one on the board, and we're transported back in time. The year is thirteen o one, which is approximately seven hundred and twenty three years in the past, and tensions are high.
Isaac allen Burns:Queen Arvold the seventh became the oldest monarch on record last year. And in a dramatic turn, she snubbed her oldest son, Prince Arvan the sixth, for the throne, claiming he was too hot headed and spoiled, and instead bequeathed the throne to her daughter, prince Arvold the eighth. Now rebel prince Arvan did not take kindly to that, and war has split our proud country in twain. The queen's armies are strongly ensconced to the West, while the rebel prince has mustered forces to the East. War has been breaking out all across the country in little skirmishes, and nowhere else is such tension strongly felt than in the province of Shur'Tan.
Isaac allen Burns:Shur'Tan lies along the western shores of Vol'dayne and is marked by an enormous mountain range that runs along the coast. Shurtaan is the center of manufacturing for Vol'Dayne, and it is a key strategic point in the war. Within the province of Shurtaan, we find a mining city, the mining city of Highcliff. The cliffs are high, the mines are deep, and the people you get to know them, they're really great people. But for perhaps outsiders coming in, it's a bit of a tough hang.
Isaac allen Burns:Not only are tensions high as the armies sit while people wait for the explosive beginning of an all out war, it's also the spring solstice. That's right, everybody. The spring solstice, the spring time is upon us. That's right. In this world, springtime is actually when the longest days are.
Isaac allen Burns:So the spring solstice is actually when the day is longest. Right? You get the most daytime. A lot of us may not be familiar with that because in perhaps the world that you, the listener, are in, it is called the spring equinox. However, it's the spring solstice now.
Rowan Collins:Isaac's just messing with my concept of time.
Isaac allen Burns:That's right. The spring solstice. It's typically a day of excitement and rejoicing. It's a time of merriment and mirth. But right now, the city is under a pallor of tension.
Isaac allen Burns:And that's where we find our three new people that we're gonna introduce. Heroes is to be determined. There is a lift from the valleys below that take you up the High Cliffs into the city of High Cliff itself. And on one of these lifts, we find three individuals heading to the city of High Cliff themselves. The lift is certainly not the fastest option, but it is the easiest and it beats trudging up some switchbacks and cliffs where you might find a cheetah gator or big birds that wanna swoop you away.
Isaac allen Burns:Inside the lift, we see three people. Annie, you go first. Why don't you describe your character for us and what they're doing on this lift?
Annie Hawthorne:You see an orc woman who is very tall, kind of broad in the shoulders, is wearing a leather vest that has fur lining the collar and the shoulders, standing there looking quite impatient, just with her arms crossed. She goes, I could have climbed this mountain faster than this.
Isaac allen Burns:Yeah. And what? I'll ask you, Annie. What's the weather like outside?
Annie Hawthorne:Well, I imagine we're going to a city called, what, High Cliff?
Isaac allen Burns:High Cliff. Yes.
Annie Hawthorne:High Cliff. I'd imagine it's quite brisk.
Isaac allen Burns:It is brisk.
Annie Hawthorne:It's mountainous.
Isaac allen Burns:It's chilly outside.
Annie Hawthorne:But, you know, she's built for the mountains. Her arms are bare, but nothing. Nothing she hasn't had plenty of practice with. Strong constitution, that's one.
Isaac allen Burns:Strong constitution.
Annie Hawthorne:Doesn't feel the cold.
Rowan Collins:She has the right to bear arms.
Joe Diametti:Mhmm. We're bearing arms all right. That's right.
Isaac allen Burns:That's hot. Sitting next to our hot orc. Joe, why don't you tell us about your character?
Joe Diametti:Yeah. So Kinsey is an an fairy. He has a white button up shirt, and you know, this thing around his neck, they didn't have ties back then, but it definitely looks like one and it's thin and black.
Isaac allen Burns:Has a setter.
Joe Diametti:Tan vest with tan pants. And he has behind his horns, this blonde medium push back hair. He is the lightest shade of violet for his skin. And he's holding a axe in one hand and a shield in the other. Yeah.
Joe Diametti:That is Kinsey.
Isaac allen Burns:Brandishing weapons on the lift is Kinsey.
Joe Diametti:Oh and he has wings. I forgot. He's got wings. He's got wings. Yeah.
Joe Diametti:They're like
Isaac allen Burns:nice They're
Joe Diametti:like nice they're nice like I don't know. They're like they're shorter wings, you know. They're not giant but they are wings. Yeah. And they're blonde like his hair.
Isaac allen Burns:Nice. And I'll ask you Joe, what was the exciting or mundane incident that occurred right as you all got on this lift that you were able to
Joe Diametti:make small talk about? We saw a couple fighting over whether or not he would hold her purse while she went, you know, to do something inside.
Isaac allen Burns:A classic a classic spat. The man was clearly a little too self conscious, a little too insecure to simply hold a purse.
Joe Diametti:Yeah, man. I don't I don't know. I thought I thought that the purse went with his outfit. I don't really know why he was so upset. I I would have worn it, I think.
Annie Hawthorne:I would have too, even though it doesn't go with my outfit at all. I mean, he's clearly very insecure in his masculinity.
Joe Diametti:We should have taken it.
Isaac allen Burns:Don't you think?
Annie Hawthorne:No. I I I suppose I could have held it for her.
Isaac allen Burns:I mean,
Annie Hawthorne:I could have met y'all up here, you know.
Joe Diametti:I just wanted it. You could have taken the stuff inside.
Annie Hawthorne:You want you wanna
Joe Diametti:I could have warned it. Yeah. I I carry everything in this shield.
Annie Hawthorne:I'm sure that we could find you a purse like that if you want.
Joe Diametti:You think?
Annie Hawthorne:Probably. Downstage? Mean, we know at least one exists.
Joe Diametti:Okay. Just something to think about.
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. Keep an eye out for you.
Isaac allen Burns:And sitting next to these fashionistas. Rowan Collins, describe your character for us.
Rowan Collins:Alright. So you have a little brown and white fun girl who looks like as if if you've ever seen a trumpet mushroom, it looks essentially like a little gramophone with a speaker going up. And they have little cuts of wood that essentially look like CDs that are hanging from their frill with a little what would essentially be a headset to our modern viewers. But it is just like earmuffs on their little face. Their face is painted on.
Rowan Collins:They have no eyes and they have no mouth. And they're just sitting there with glowing wings, spinning one of the little discs and humming to themselves as music comes out of their frill.
Isaac allen Burns:So you're like a speaker almost? Yep. Incredible.
Rowan Collins:Yep. They're just like, yeah. I think that you would be very good with the purse too.
Joe Diametti:Thank you, DJ. That means a lot to me.
Rowan Collins:You're welcome. I still don't understand what a purse is though. And why do people not like it when I assume you are male?
Joe Diametti:I am.
Rowan Collins:Alright. Why do people not like it when males wear these purses?
Joe Diametti:I don't know. Suppose I haven't thought about it.
Annie Hawthorne:Think that as the fairer sex, males tend to be a little insecure.
Rowan Collins:We can understand that. However, we do not understand why many people are insecure. We just are altogether.
Joe Diametti:How are you doing,
Annie Hawthorne:though? Creepy.
Joe Diametti:With your voice. I don't understand.
Annie Hawthorne:I have no idea. Thanks, Oliver. Get used to this.
Isaac allen Burns:Bursting through the door is the one piloting this thing. The lift is on ropes, but you can think of it as, you know, a sky lift. He bursts in. I have a quick question to let you color some of the scene. What does he look like?
Rowan Collins:Well, gee, I wonder DJ does not see. So what instead they sense is a very tall person, so I'm gonna say a giant, like, twice as tall as May over there and thick as a brick house and also with a high, high voice.
Isaac allen Burns:Great. Thank you.
Rowan Collins:You're welcome.
Isaac allen Burns:All three of you or rather two of you see and one of you hear as this guy bursts in wearing a little uniform that all of the Sky Lift employees wear. And he looks at you three and says, Hit the deck. It's coming in to attack. He dives onto the floor and you see an enormous bird burst in behind him. This thing looks like an enormous vulture with a really curved beak and you realize this is a mountain vulture.
Isaac allen Burns:These things are maybe the sky lifts most dangerous predators. These things will sometimes attack sky lifts. This thing looks hungry and it eyes the three of you. What do you do?
Annie Hawthorne:I am gonna yell at the other two, get behind me and I will just take out my two handed greatsword and I'll take up my fighting stance and I'll look this bird dead in the eyes. And I'll say, fight with Ana, beast.
Isaac allen Burns:You yell at this thing? You're attempting to, like, intimidate this thing. You're attempting to, like, big dog this bird. Go ahead. I'll say make a strength check for me.
Annie Hawthorne:20. My Can
Joe Diametti:I do stuff while you're thinking about it? Absolutely. Yeah. So May yells for us to get behind her and Kinsey is like, yeah, I can do that. And so he he goes behind May and he kind of sits down crisscross applesauce, not even facing facing the complete opposite way.
Joe Diametti:He has a shield in his lap. It's always something I feel. And he pops it open and you realize that the the shield kind of acts as like a briefcase. There's like a hinge. So he opens it up.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I know I have something for this somewhere and he's shifting through papers. No. Not that one. Where's my feather?
Joe Diametti:Hang on. And he gets up and he'd like to go pluck a feather from this bird.
Isaac allen Burns:From the bird? Incredible. Go ahead and make a we'll say finesse. This sounds like a finesse. I'll say the DC will be lower than its typical difficulty because as you walk up to it, you recognize that there's a
Joe Diametti:Oh, wait a minute. I have wings. You do have wings. Never mind. I'm gonna sit down and
Rowan Collins:say No. That's funnier. Please do it. Please do it.
Isaac allen Burns:You don't wanna use your own. Yeah.
Rowan Collins:You can't use your own wings.
Joe Diametti:Okay. That's fair. Okay. So Alright. Presence or wait.
Joe Diametti:Fit finesse.
Isaac allen Burns:Finesse.
Joe Diametti:Plus one. 11 with fear. Thank you
Isaac allen Burns:so much. I'll So with that fear, I'm just going to bank that fear for now. And what I'll say is, Kenzie, you walk up and while this mountain vulture is staring at May, and May is staring back Mhmm. You can tell May is winning this big dog match. And as vulture turns to go away, and you pluck a feather from it.
Joe Diametti:Thank you.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I like as I like go around, I kinda like duck under May's arm as they're hiding. Yep. He got it. And I, you know, I kinda pat the underside of May's arm then I go and I grab the feather.
Joe Diametti:Thank you.
Isaac allen Burns:As you grab the feather, I said I would bank that for you, but I'm changing my mind. You grab the feather and now you have one mountain vulture feather. You can go ahead and add that to your inventory. Huzzah. And then return this thing, screams, turns around, and swipes at you.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, no.
Isaac allen Burns:Great. Okay. I rolled a four. This thing is scared. It kinda turns reflexively and swipes.
Isaac allen Burns:And then with its big wings, like this thing is scared. It kinda turns reflexively, and then with its big wings, like, gives you the back off motion. DJ, is there anything you're gonna do at this moment?
Rowan Collins:Yes. So DJ feeling this giant thing and feeling that Bay is gonna wanna kill it instead is just gonna, like, reach out and they take a a different one of their CDs off of their head and they change the tracks. So now a different song is playing as they cast Slumber.
Joe Diametti:I don't have we don't have the budget for this, but in my head, this is just it's a Guardians of the Galaxy movie. We're just like playing, like, music to I mean,
Isaac allen Burns:it's just
Joe Diametti:like Yeah.
Isaac allen Burns:That's right, guys. If we get 1,000 subscribers, we'll be able to afford the song Back in Black by ATDC for the specific No.
Joe Diametti:That's the song?
Isaac allen Burns:That's the first one that came to For
Rowan Collins:the slumber, I feel like it would be like a lullaby.
Isaac allen Burns:Cat's Cradle by Steve Steve.
Joe Diametti:What's his name?
Isaac allen Burns:What's his name? Joe Croce? Oh. No. No.
Isaac allen Burns:Jim Croce?
Joe Diametti:Kat's Cradle?
Isaac allen Burns:Kat's Cradle in the city.
Joe Diametti:Oh, okay. Anyway. I don't know.
Isaac allen Burns:We're gonna get to monetize if we're not careful.
Rowan Collins:Oh, gosh.
Isaac allen Burns:What'd you roll?
Annie Hawthorne:I rolled a a six
Rowan Collins:So what is fear.
Isaac allen Burns:So and I do have one quick question because I'm looking over and I'm seeing octahedrons that just got rolled instead of dodecahedrons. So I just wanna be Thank you. No problem. We haven't not played for too long.
Rowan Collins:Would you would you it's a crit.
Isaac allen Burns:A crit of You
Rowan Collins:could A crit of one.
Joe Diametti:A crit of one.
Rowan Collins:Which is so funny.
Isaac allen Burns:So what happens on a slumber? Go ahead and, Rowan, read out what happens on a slumber.
Rowan Collins:So make a spell cast roll against a very close target. So in this case, I believe DJ walks up and just kinda, like, touches it. On a suggest assess, the targeted creature falls into a deep sleep until they take damage. Or the GM spells spends fear to awaken them.
Isaac allen Burns:So I think because you crit, that's really cool and incredible. You see that this vulture, scared, worried, it sees a fight that it actually didn't want. Mhmm. And as it turns to fly away, it suddenly falls asleep and it careens over the side of the sky lift and falls down to the cliffs below. Thank you for that Foley.
Isaac allen Burns:That's perfect.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. While all that was happening, Kinsey was just back to his shield and his paperwork.
Joe Diametti:Oh, here it is. Yes. I believe that we could have the bird sign this. Right?
Joe Diametti:And he turns around and the bird's not there anymore.
Rowan Collins:We took care of it.
Joe Diametti:But I we talked about this. I I need signatures.
Rowan Collins:You've gotta be quicker than that.
Annie Hawthorne:You both are very odd.
Isaac allen Burns:Kinsey, how many signatures do you have so far?
Annie Hawthorne:Two. Is one of them yours?
Joe Diametti:Nope. One.
Isaac allen Burns:Kinsey's learning how to do it. In any case, after that bit of excitement, the sky lift comes to a close. The man that had just run-in with his head covered has not moved. He's still cowering in the he's still cowering in the corner.
Annie Hawthorne:Excuse me. If you're not Yes. Driving this thing, who is?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, it's pretty automatic. I don't actually have to drive it. I just sort of sit at the front, and sometimes I hit the levers and buttons and say if in case something happens like a bird attack.
Annie Hawthorne:I see. Well, the the bird is gone.
Joe Diametti:Excuse me, sir.
Annie Hawthorne:Can we continue?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, yeah. I mean, it's gonna go automatic. Yes?
Joe Diametti:I I help him up.
Isaac allen Burns:Oh, thank you. You're very kind, young man.
Joe Diametti:Thank you. You don't need to be afraid. I'm so well, bird you're right. All things are right as long as you accept splendor. Oh, splendor.
Joe Diametti:Are you familiar with the god Splendor?
Annie Hawthorne:I'm more of a valor person myself, but I have heard of Splendor.
Isaac allen Burns:Fucking valor? Woah, dude.
Annie Hawthorne:Woah, that's a strong energy.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I'm willing. I'm willing to let that go. Okay. For one signature right here.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, what do I get for siding?
Joe Diametti:Eternal salvation.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, eternal salvation. I mean
Joe Diametti:Don't read the fine print. It's really not worth looking into. So just a signature and we can get the lift going and you'll feel better.
Annie Hawthorne:Why should I choose?
Isaac allen Burns:So
Annie Hawthorne:Why should I choose splendor over valor?
Joe Diametti:Splendor? Yeah. Because he's the God of the sun, the god of light. For within him, all things are better. And he's my dad.
Joe Diametti:Woah. Would you like to sign me?
Annie Hawthorne:Wait. He's your dad? That's the truth thing you're saying to me right now?
Joe Diametti:Guess that's a truth thing. Why would I lie about that?
Isaac allen Burns:Make a presence check for me, Kinsey. Okay.
Joe Diametti:Presence is minus one.
Isaac allen Burns:What?
Joe Diametti:This guy Oh. This kid is not very
Isaac allen Burns:Oh, no.
Rowan Collins:Can DJ give advantage by, like, doing a little illusions bell behind Kinsey to, like, make Kinsey shine?
Isaac allen Burns:Do you have
Rowan Collins:I have illusion.
Isaac allen Burns:You have illusion?
Rowan Collins:I do have a temporary I have a spell that says illusion. I have to make a spell cast roll. On a success, I create a temporary visual illusion no longer larger than you within close range that will last for as long as you look at it.
Isaac allen Burns:Incredible. Yeah. We'll say you get advantage for it. Sure.
Rowan Collins:A different CD. So DJ takes that one off, puts a different one on. This one can be a get packed to black. Awesome. That's another crit.
Rowan Collins:The heck?
Joe Diametti:You're splendid. A
Isaac allen Burns:bunch of light just poofs behind you and this guy, his eyes light up and he says,
Annie Hawthorne:wow. Well, that's better than just sort
Isaac allen Burns:of not doing fun things like
Annie Hawthorne:Valor tells me to do.
Isaac allen Burns:Oh, yeah. What'd you roll?
Joe Diametti:With my advantage, it's 13 with hope.
Isaac allen Burns:13 with hope. Okay. He looks at you and his eyes light up and he says,
Annie Hawthorne:hey, that's actually great. Valor is really all about like, self responsibility and self discipline. So like, you know, I actually haven't eaten in a few days because I'm fasting.
Joe Diametti:I'm not supposed to tell anybody. What do
Annie Hawthorne:mean if I join Splendor, I don't have to be so self disciplined?
Joe Diametti:I mean, with Splendor, you can be who you're meant to be, like me.
Joe Diametti:And he dips the pen in some ink in his little shield thing and just hands it to him for the signature. Wow. Okay. Yeah. That's great.
Joe Diametti:He takes and signs. Yeah. Kinsey looks over at May.
Joe Diametti:Wow. My third signature. Mhmm.
Annie Hawthorne:I see.
Isaac allen Burns:You see he's you see this guy's really happy, and he's like,
Annie Hawthorne:this is great. This means I can jerk off again. Oh, this is awesome.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, man. That's way too much information. Yeah. High five.
Isaac allen Burns:Wait. Other hand. He high five he goes to high five you, and then
Joe Diametti:he high fives you. Other hand.
Annie Hawthorne:You know what? I'll I'll be outside. I'm gonna go watch the levers and buttons.
Isaac allen Burns:You step outside and realize that you have arrived at the station.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, oh, we're here. Yeah.
Isaac allen Burns:He hasn't been piloting it, so he hasn't told you all that you've arrived, but you have officially arrived.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, we're here. So I'm gonna go. You guys catch up.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I click my little shield back. I consider this a very successful ride. Don't you, DJ?
Rowan Collins:I we do. We consider this a very successful ride. You've got a signature, and we have an audience.
Isaac allen Burns:Indeed, you do. You step out off of the sky lift.
Joe Diametti:Annie realizing that she accidentally picked the only normal character.
Isaac allen Burns:You know, for the first time, Annie gets to play the straight man. Yeah. That
Rowan Collins:sounds about right.
Isaac allen Burns:Stepping out onto the streets of Highcliff, you find a bustling city. The cliffs don't just end at the start of this city. No. They continue all across. You look up into the sky and what looks like skyscrapers built up higher, actually rooms built into the sides of the cliffs.
Isaac allen Burns:People walk to and fro, many of them soot stained and covered in dust from the mines. However, at the same time, you also can feel a combination of excitement and tension. For you see, while there are signs and florals and other bits of merriment to suggest the spring solstice, which is today, you can also sense the queen's hand on this place. You see guards dressed in the traditional Voldane armor, stationed at various checkpoints within the city. Signs warning of anyone seeing any kind of rebel activity to report it immediately to the local guard.
Isaac allen Burns:It's a mix of emotion. But the three of you are here on the streets. You've discussed beforehand, and there's a tavern on the other side of town that all of you believe you should have rooms at. And while you are heading there, can I just have the three of you roll a flat d 12 for me? 6.
Isaac allen Burns:6. 2. 2. 9. May.
Isaac allen Burns:Nice. Your senses are still sharp. It's been a you have been away from your clan for a while, but that does not mean that your senses have deadened at all. Though the city is bustling and large, your eyes and ears are still trained on anything out of place, anything that could be considered a threat, which is why when you hear a scuffle in the alleyway, a grunt, a thud, and the sounds of footsteps quickly running through the muddy alleys between some of these buildings. Your hackles are raised.
Isaac allen Burns:To your left, just in the alleyway up ahead, you heard these noises.
Annie Hawthorne:I'm gonna stop and kinda hold my arms out to hold the others back. I'm gonna say, eyes up. Oh, sorry, TJ. It's not a problem.
Rowan Collins:What is going on, May?
Annie Hawthorne:Looks like a bit of a scuffle over there. Do you think we should check it out?
Joe Diametti:Do we think they could be potential signers?
Annie Hawthorne:Well, I think anyone could be a potential signer.
Joe Diametti:You, May?
Annie Hawthorne:Maybe not me. I don't sign anything without having my lawyer look over it, and I don't have a lawyer. So anyway.
Isaac allen Burns:Three of you head into the alley. Mae, as you turn the corner, your trained eyes very clearly see what has occurred. You see in the middle of the alleyway, a large giant dark skin, a beard that's very well kept together, a head as bald as the day he was born, and really nice clothing that is currently stained with a lot of blood. He is lying dead on the ground.
Joe Diametti:Excuse me, sir. Oh. Would you like
Annie Hawthorne:to I I think he's passed. But if we can find who did this to him, perhaps they'll sign.
Joe Diametti:Okay.
Rowan Collins:We can help with that. And DJ is going to waddle up Touch the corpse that had died recently. I can mark a dress to extract one memory related to a specific emotion or sensation. I'm gonna choose fear.
Isaac allen Burns:Oh, fear. Okay. DJ, describe what the spell looks like as you touch it. What hap what do what do Kinsey and May see?
Rowan Collins:So this is actually a fungal ancestry trait. So what happens, I assume, is DJ has these little, like, mycelia kind of fingers. So as soon as they touch this corpse, lichenous veins shoot into the corpse and kind of almost like thrum through it as if it's searching for information, some sort of like jacking into the body, and then it'll pulse a certain like blue and green color, blue and yellow and green. And then, like, almost as if absorbing the information, it pulses back up through DJ.
Annie Hawthorne:That never gets less disturbing.
Isaac allen Burns:DJ, you your feelings spanned, and you're running. You're running behind the buildings. You have to warn your brother. Holding in your hand is a box that seems to be warm in your hands. You can feel heat coming from it.
Isaac allen Burns:Not real heat, but the heat of importance as you hold it. It is so important that you do not lose this. You are weaving through alleyways to not be seen by anybody because you have to warn your brother. If you don't warn him, something horrific will happen. You have to get there.
Isaac allen Burns:If you die, something horrific will happen. You hear suddenly a snap. You hear a wet noise as wet footsteps approach you, and suddenly your vision ends.
Rowan Collins:We have to warn our brother. We have to warn our brother, DJ says coming out of it. They shake their little head and go, this this person was trying to warn their brother. Do we see a box? Look down a box.
Isaac allen Burns:You look down at the body, and sure enough, you see a bulge in their left coat pocket.
Rowan Collins:We fiddle through and, like, grab the bulge.
Isaac allen Burns:You grab the dead man's bulge and you pull out you pull out of this pocket a box that almost seems to defy space as you hold it. Like, it was so small in the pocket, but now that you've pulled it out, it's almost expanded out. And the box's latch has been broken off.
Rowan Collins:Would either one of you be able to tell me what this is? Tell us what this is. We cannot quite perceive what it looks like, only what it feels like, which is warm. We feel warmth from it and unlockedness from it and danger from it.
Joe Diametti:Can I take a shot, DJ?
Rowan Collins:We don't see why not.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. And I I I take it.
Isaac allen Burns:You take the box. It's a real nice box. It's kinda got some heft to it. It's like a nice golden box.
Joe Diametti:I like this box. I would put it in a purse if I had one.
Rowan Collins:We will get you a purse at some point.
Joe Diametti:Can I like, do I know anything about this box?
Joe Diametti:It's just
Isaac allen Burns:a nice box. It's unlocked too.
Joe Diametti:Look at Matt. I look
Annie Hawthorne:at me. I take the
Isaac allen Burns:box and I open it. You open the box, Mae. You you see that this box is unfortunately empty. There is a folded piece of paper kinda stuck inside of it though.
Annie Hawthorne:Take it out.
Isaac allen Burns:You take it out. As you open it, you see the words. Top secret, Oryk Mantle. Powerful relic from before the Age of Gods. Wear this when speaking with leaders on both sides.
Isaac allen Burns:Will help command authority and can deescalate situation. Queen wants to avoid all out war. If the wrong people get their hands on this, deep trouble. This is the only one in existence. Treat with great care.
Isaac allen Burns:Also at the bottom, says, do not let any clergy know you have this.
Rowan Collins:What is it?
Joe Diametti:What does it say?
Rowan Collins:It sounds like paper.
Joe Diametti:Could you repeat that back word for
Isaac allen Burns:word? Verbatim?
Rowan Collins:It sounds like paper.
Joe Diametti:Please, Mae.
Annie Hawthorne:I think we have trouble if this is to be believed. Also, would you identify yourself as clergy?
Joe Diametti:Me?
Annie Hawthorne:Yes. You.
Joe Diametti:No. No. Maybe a Excellent. Okay. Maybe a demigod?
Joe Diametti:Maybe chosen? I see. Maybe humble.
Annie Hawthorne:Probably asked that one for sure. Anyway, it appears that within this box was some kind of a relic, which is no longer present. And I feel a sense of danger. I mean, since it's missing.
Rowan Collins:We also feel danger. We felt danger when we died.
Joe Diametti:I feel You wait. You died?
Rowan Collins:Yes. When we died, they point to the corpse.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh. Oh. Goodness gracious.
Joe Diametti:I feel I feel hungry. Should we get a bite to eat?
Annie Hawthorne:I suppose. I I mean, I don't see why not. This is not our mission. We
Isaac allen Burns:yeah. The tavern's just a couple streets away. You can go to the tavern, get some grub, decide what you wanna do next.
Rowan Collins:Oh, okay.
Isaac allen Burns:Yeah. Go to the tavern. Why not?
Rowan Collins:We we felt lots of fear when we thought this might have killed us. We think in memory, in memoriam of our death, we should go at least tell our brother.
Annie Hawthorne:Do you know that brother?
Rowan Collins:Our brother is the Burgermeister.
Isaac allen Burns:Wow. Okay. Burger?
Rowan Collins:Burgermeister.
Annie Hawthorne:Is there a trail?
Isaac allen Burns:Make an instinct role for me, Ney.
Joe Diametti:I'm worried for Isaac. I've never seen him just This is a look of like, what are my kids doing? This is really great. I'm just enjoying
Isaac allen Burns:the ride. I'm just watching it. I'm smiling.
Annie Hawthorne:It's an 11 with fear.
Isaac allen Burns:An 11 with failure. An 11 the only the only information that you'll be able to perceive from this is that there are a handful of footprints around here. There are giant footprints, there are ribbit footprints, there are Qatari footprints, and there are dwarven footprints. They are all over the place. You don't know who's whose or where they went, but those are what you see.
Isaac allen Burns:That's all the information you can really perceive from them.
Annie Hawthorne:I think I can say one thing with absolute certainty whoever killed him had no honor.
Rowan Collins:We think it might be a giant. We think we can ask around town Burgermeister seems like an important job. We can ask and tell of the death of this brother. We think.
Isaac allen Burns:You hear a voice behind the three of you as you're standing over this dead body. You hear a gasp and you hear a woman go, By the nine, what happened here? You turn around and you see a woman dressed in the vestments of the clergy. You recognize this as a sister of the Ennian church. She's looking at the three of you
Joe Diametti:What church?
Isaac allen Burns:Standing over a dead body.
Joe Diametti:Does that praise? Or do I need to ask?
Isaac allen Burns:Well, you know the Ennian church really preaches on and teaches teachings from all nine of the gods. Most of the clergy of the church will really not ascribe normally to one god or the other. They tend to be all across the board.
Joe Diametti:Hello, sister.
Isaac allen Burns:Hi. Would anyone of you care to explain why you're standing over a dead body?
Joe Diametti:Oh, he was already here.
Rowan Collins:We heard
Isaac allen Burns:That's that's what they all say.
Rowan Collins:We heard a scuffle. We found this man. We think this man was killed by a giant.
Joe Diametti:Have you already sworn loyalty to one god? Are you still flip flopping around all nine? Excuse me? Like a god whore.
Annie Hawthorne:I'm gonna slip that sheet of paper that says don't let the clergy get this into my pocket.
Isaac allen Burns:Alright, young man. I don't like your telling.
Joe Diametti:I have some paperwork,
Joe Diametti:and I got a clip of my shield.
Isaac allen Burns:Oh, dear.
Rowan Collins:I would like to realizing that this is going on, I believe that DJ is going to cast slumber on. Slumber on Not on the sister? No.
Joe Diametti:Okay.
Rowan Collins:What? On you.
Isaac allen Burns:Uh-oh. Alright.
Joe Diametti:Kinsey's getting put in Tyrone.
Isaac allen Burns:Kinsey's getting put in Kinsey's So in this case, so normally when you I got Hey, it's me, your GM Isaac Allenbyrze, here to talk to you today about PvP. In this case, we typically don't have this problem, but in this specific case, we have to determine a ruling. Because normally, when a creature does a spell casting role, the difficulty that they're trying to beat is the difficulty on the monster's or the creature's stat block. In this case, Kinsey doesn't have a difficulty. So I'm gonna make a ruling here.
Isaac allen Burns:Off the cuff, this does not this does not reflect anything on the new rules. We're just kinda going with it. Because this is a slumber, I'm gonna say this sounds almost the equivalent of like a physical effect trying to put you down. It also could be a mental one. So I'll let you decide, Kinsey.
Isaac allen Burns:You may either roll strength or you may roll instincts.
Joe Diametti:Love that for me. My strength is plus two, so
Isaac allen Burns:Okay. So roll a strength check and we'll see if it beats whatever this role from DJ is about to be. What'd we roll, DJ?
Rowan Collins:Another crit.
Isaac allen Burns:Okay. She's us. Well, what's your roll, Kinsey?
Joe Diametti:I rolled I rolled a 10. You rolled a 10? Fear.
Isaac allen Burns:Fear. You know what? You know what gang? You know what listeners at home? You know what your GM is gonna do?
Isaac allen Burns:Your GM's gonna take that fear because we take those. And Yeah. Kinsey, what happens to you?
Joe Diametti:Yeah. So he he goes down to like open up the briefcase and he's like,
Joe Diametti:I I know I have it here somewhere.
Joe Diametti:And he just falls right right over. Like but like like that cartoon, like, he's like like his butt's in the air and he's just like faced a face kind of sideways into the ground.
Rowan Collins:DJ, like, hops up onto Kinsey's butt and goes, we are sorry, sister. He needs his nap.
Annie Hawthorne:Yes. I apologize for my acquaintances. They're quite abnormal.
Rowan Collins:Would you happen to know where the Burgermeister is?
Isaac allen Burns:You wanna know where the the Burgermeister is?
Annie Hawthorne:The Burgermeister Burger. Creepy as they seem. I promise.
Isaac allen Burns:Alright. You seem reasonable. I'm gonna direct my conversation towards you. What's your name?
Annie Hawthorne:My name is May. What's your name?
Isaac allen Burns:Pleasure to meet you. My name is sister Alba. I am the sister of Highcliffe Eri,
Annie Hawthorne:the charge of the Highcliffe.
Isaac allen Burns:Yes. The high priestess of Highcliffe.
Annie Hawthorne:Most pleasure to meet your acquaintance.
Isaac allen Burns:Pleasure to make yours as well. I was doing my morning rounds, tending to those who seemed in need, and I couldn't happen to notice three individuals standing over a dead body, which somewhat has me concerned. But you're asking of the Burgermeister, He would probably be at town hall right now. It is a bit of the middle of the day. He'd be in his office.
Rowan Collins:We thank you for this information.
Isaac allen Burns:Why do you need to see the Bergamizer?
Rowan Collins:We have echoes of when someone dies, and we'll have a compel compulsion to fulfill their latest wish. This man's brother was the Burgermeister. We want to give him his news.
Isaac allen Burns:She looks really surprised when you say that and she runs past you over to the body and you can hear her curse under her breath. And she looks up at the three of you and says, do you have any idea what the message was? Do have any idea what he was trying to say?
Annie Hawthorne:No idea at all, unfortunately.
Isaac allen Burns:By the nine. This is
Rowan Collins:We only have feeling. That is all.
Isaac allen Burns:Alright. Well, let me tell you this is really bad. Clearly, something is up. War makes people do awful things. I will take care of him.
Isaac allen Burns:I will lay him to rest. I'm simply going to have to trust you both in terms of the urgency right now and due to the narrative. So your friend there, watch out for him. Think he's in a bad I think he might be in a fundamentalist sect of splendor. The two of you go deliver the message to the Burgermizer, watch out for his new aid.
Isaac allen Burns:That's all I'll say. I can't say much more. There are too many ears about. And you see that she of waves you and dismisses you, and you see begins tending to the body.
Rowan Collins:DJ will waddle up, put a little hand on her and say, we thank you for your assistance.
Isaac allen Burns:Yes. Of course. Thank you. Thank you.
Rowan Collins:Understand. They, again, with their painted face, just like looks very blankly at her.
Isaac allen Burns:She doesn't really know what to do, so she kinda pats you lightly on the head.
Rowan Collins:Lee, being pat, feel dismissed. And DJ walks over to Kinsey and slaps him on the butt, and then you should wake up.
Isaac allen Burns:Go, Splendor. I
Annie Hawthorne:thought Splendor was your father. I'm quite confused.
Joe Diametti:I what happened?
Rowan Collins:You fell into a deep slumber. And
Joe Diametti:I have been tired.
Rowan Collins:You yes. You understand your hunger and sleep must be very connected.
Joe Diametti:You might be right.
Rowan Collins:We hope, in fact, that we should get a hot dog or something along the way so that you do not fall asleep again.
Joe Diametti:Maybe a pizza? And a purse. With mushrooms?
Rowan Collins:Yes. Okay.
Isaac allen Burns:Yeah. To the Tavern you go. They sell pizza with mushrooms at the tavern.
Rowan Collins:But I don't like to go. We're we're getting it to go. I was thinking more along the lines of, like, you know how those little, like, outside of, like, buildings, they have those little halal stations that they sell, like, pigs and stuff.
Isaac allen Burns:Looking for sparrows?
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah.
Isaac allen Burns:Yeah. There's a sparrows outside. There's a giant
Rowan Collins:what I was thinking.
Isaac allen Burns:He's got, like, a big New York accent. He gives you a hot dog.
Annie Hawthorne:A giant. Does this giant have a knife by chance?
Isaac allen Burns:He has a knife that's like a serving knife.
Rowan Collins:Wait a second.
Annie Hawthorne:Excuse me. Have you been into any alleys recently?
Isaac allen Burns:I'm sorry?
Annie Hawthorne:Have you have you entered any You
Isaac allen Burns:talking to me?
Annie Hawthorne:Allies recently, alleys.
Isaac allen Burns:I've been in alleys.
Annie Hawthorne:Were you in an alley with that knife not ten minutes ago?
Isaac allen Burns:No. I've been here. I've been here all day.
Annie Hawthorne:Who can vouch for that?
Isaac allen Burns:I had customers all day getting my hot dogs. Why don't you try it for yourself? Get a hot dog. You're gonna love it.
Annie Hawthorne:What, pray tell, is a hot dog?
Isaac allen Burns:I'm so happy ass. A hot dog, you ever heard of a sausage?
Annie Hawthorne:A sausage. No.
Isaac allen Burns:Yeah. Sausage.
Annie Hawthorne:I can't say I've ever heard of a sausage now.
Isaac allen Burns:Alright. Well, you ever heard of a cow or a pig?
Annie Hawthorne:Yes. I've heard of cows and pigs. Yes.
Isaac allen Burns:Alright. You take a pig. You squish it up,
Joe Diametti:and
Isaac allen Burns:you shove it into a casing. And then you put it on a bun, add some onions, some ketchup. You guys sell a hot dog.
Annie Hawthorne:I see.
Isaac allen Burns:You want the hot dog or not?
Annie Hawthorne:Any of those.
Isaac allen Burns:It's a handful of gold per.
Annie Hawthorne:A a handful of gold.
Isaac allen Burns:That's right. A handful of gold. That's right. One hot dog. Yeah.
Isaac allen Burns:That's right. The lowest form of currency in this world 1 hot dog. Frankly, it's a steal of not asking you for a fortune.
Joe Diametti:I've got this one, May. And I'll I'll reach in my my shield thing and pull out three handfuls. No paperwork this time.
Isaac allen Burns:Nice. He gives you three high cliff style hot dogs. Thank you, Which is just onions and ketchup.
Joe Diametti:Pray Splendor.
Isaac allen Burns:Yeah. Dude. Gives you the hot dog.
Rowan Collins:DJ points at the top of their
Joe Diametti:I just drop them in?
Isaac allen Burns:God. Angle down. Yes.
Joe Diametti:Like, okay. Just faster. How slow do I
Rowan Collins:We prefer it when you take it slow. That way, we can really enjoy the feeling.
Joe Diametti:This is such a horny episode.
Isaac allen Burns:Alright. Alright.
Joe Diametti:See you then. We'll collectively agree that we're never doing a one shot again.
Isaac allen Burns:So the three of you the three of you find yourself in front of the Burgermeister's town hall where his office is. You stand in a large city square. Behind you is a tall, well made, well chiseled statue. The three of you are munching on your hotdogs while you stand
Annie Hawthorne:down south.
Annie Hawthorne:Smelling appetite. You're gonna have both of them.
Isaac allen Burns:Very good. How do you approach?
Rowan Collins:Dad, please give us another.
Joe Diametti:No. I'm not doing anymore.
Isaac allen Burns:I'm not doing anymore. No more for you, DJ. No.
Joe Diametti:You're cut off.
Rowan Collins:We are upset.
Isaac allen Burns:How do you approach? May, you're in the front. You're welcome.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, I'm in the front. Oh, geez. Sorry. I was distracted. The statue.
Isaac allen Burns:Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne:Really can't remember what the sister said because of that display with the hot dogs.
Isaac allen Burns:So, yeah, the statue behind you is of Queen Arvold the first. The very first queen of Vol'dayne who began her reign right after the age of gods. She is shown here. But of more importance is the town hall that's in front of you, which is built into the cliffside.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, I think that's where we're supposed to go. Yes. Please never say the word inside again.
Rowan Collins:What is wrong with inside?
Joe Diametti:Let us go.
Annie Hawthorne:I'm Let
Joe Diametti:us go.
Annie Hawthorne:I've been told.
Joe Diametti:Friends?
Rowan Collins:What would you rather we say? Within? Perfect. We shall go within.
Joe Diametti:Within is so much worse.
Rowan Collins:We like the word within a lot better.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. You walk up to
Isaac allen Burns:the door to go within the house and you see that there are big one of those metal rings. One of those metal rings. I tried not to. Yeah. There's been knockers on the door.
Isaac allen Burns:You can knock on them.
Joe Diametti:Okay. I'll go ahead and I'll use the knocker in a completely normal way and knock on the door.
Isaac allen Burns:Hey, it's a podcast.