Alright. Yeah. Everyone, we got a clap sync. Okay? 321.
Isaac Allen Burns:Hey, everybody. It's your GM, Isaac Allen Burns, freshly synced up and ready to sink in to a wonderful podcast. To my left, I have one Annie Hawthorne.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, I'm first this time. Oh, jeez. Hi.
Isaac Allen Burns:Switch it up for season two. And across the table from Annie, I have one, Jody Amity.
Joe Diametti:Hello.
Isaac Allen Burns:And on the Second Floor, have one Rowan Collins.
Rowan Collins:Wait. I'm sitting above everyone? Okay. That works.
Isaac Allen Burns:Hey. It's me, Isaac Allen Burns, hehim, ready to give you an amazing podcast. Why don't we get right into it? Cue the music. Gang, before we go anywhere, before we go a single place, I have a question for the three of you.
Isaac Allen Burns:Who here likes to read? Want if to you like reading. Okay. I have three people who like reading. Who would we say is the fastest reader here?
Joe Diametti:Not me.
Annie Hawthorne:Out of the three of us or out of our characters?
Isaac Allen Burns:Out of the three of you in person here.
Rowan Collins:Are we talking audially or in our brains?
Isaac Allen Burns:We're talking on paper.
Rowan Collins:Oh, me. A 100%.
Joe Diametti:It's not me.
Annie Hawthorne:It's a 100%.
Joe Diametti:Alex, also To no one's surprise.
Isaac Allen Burns:So Annie and Joe, can I have you roll a d 12 for me?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, motherfucker.
Joe Diametti:Okay.
Annie Hawthorne:He's gonna make us read shit, and then I rolled a one.
Joe Diametti:I got a four. Very good. Annie. Oh, fuck.
Isaac Allen Burns:We're gonna do a quick scene
Annie Hawthorne:real fast. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:I have right here a confidential military intelligence report from the Vol'Dayn army. I'm going to give Annie one minute to skim through this report, and then we're gonna run a scene.
Joe Diametti:How many pages is that?
Isaac Allen Burns:This is six pages.
Joe Diametti:What's the font size?
Isaac Allen Burns:It's a it's 12 aerial.
Joe Diametti:Is it single spaced?
Isaac Allen Burns:Single spaced. It's justified. So don't even worry about it. Listen.
Rowan Collins:I don't even see bullets.
Isaac Allen Burns:I have a timer
Rowan Collins:here. Oh my god.
Isaac Allen Burns:Annie, you have one minute starting now.
Rowan Collins:It would be really mean if we just talked during the fact that she's trying to read.
Joe Diametti:Just in her headphones.
Rowan Collins:And just in her headphones, like, she's observing the information.
Joe Diametti:Annie, what's happening?
Rowan Collins:Annie is like Are
Joe Diametti:you reading?
Isaac Allen Burns:Trying not to sound unless she took headphones off. She
Rowan Collins:has taken the headphones off.
Joe Diametti:That was the right move. Although, don't think sound goes away.
Isaac Allen Burns:The sound goes
Joe Diametti:Annie, can you still hear us without headphones?
Rowan Collins:Yes. Can. Is this
Isaac Allen Burns:is great audio.
Rowan Collins:We're about fifteen seconds into this, and she has not flipped the page yet. Again, reminder, this is a six page document that she has to get through and come through before this minute is
Joe Diametti:off. Let's see how it plays out, Rowan.
Rowan Collins:Let's see how it plays out.
Joe Diametti:Eiry's reading.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. She's, I think, on the bottom part.
Joe Diametti:Look at that photo. Look at her head moving. Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns:I think
Joe Diametti:it's left. To right.
Rowan Collins:Oh, twenty seconds left. Twenty seconds left, and she is not off the first page. I am not sure if she's going to have the entirety of this briefing.
Joe Diametti:Oh, she she she skimmed that page? She didn't even have a rubber flipper.
Rowan Collins:She didn't even she wasn't even practicing. Wasn't even practicing safe flipping.
Joe Diametti:Nope. Resulted in a paper cut. Oh. We'll see if it pans out for her in the score.
Rowan Collins:Violation. Let's see. She's gone to the second page. That is now. She's on the third page.
Isaac Allen Burns:That is the time limit.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, and
Isaac Allen Burns:that's buzzer
Rowan Collins:has been hit. Let's see how much that Annie remembers of this page briefing.
Isaac Allen Burns:Feel free to keep that report on you, Annie, if you would like. And I take us now to a scene. We see a well appointed office within a military base of the Algenabai vicounty, the same vicounty that holds the remains of Bracken Road, the provincial capital Valjennabai, and our heroes. But they're not here right now. Who is here is lieutenant colonel Larna Clemens of the Voldain military, a stout dwarf with a well braided blonde beard.
Isaac Allen Burns:Across the desk from her, standing at attention, is a captain who only got there via nepotism. He holds a report in his hands. Annie, would you like to describe this captain for me?
Annie Hawthorne:I feel like this captain is just like a gym bro, an orc. You know? He's, like, got really picturesque muscles, but, like, no strength. No, like, real strength behind them. I feel like he's, like, blonde and blue eyed, and has got, like, a really, like, chiseled chin, you know, with a dimple in the middle.
Annie Hawthorne:And I feel like his uniform is, like, very pristine because he's never seen battle.
Isaac Allen Burns:Indeed. The only thing pristine about him is his uniform. The lieutenant colonel, Larna Clemens, puts a stern eye on this person, on this individual. Which what's this individual's name?
Annie Hawthorne:Byron Stormwater. Oh, nice. That's such a
Isaac Allen Burns:good name. That is a great name.
Rowan Collins:That was a, like, really great name.
Isaac Allen Burns:The captain looks at you and says, Adi is captain Stormwater. Now get on with the report. I haven't got all day. In fact, I only have five minutes before my next scheduled meeting. So hurry up.
Isaac Allen Burns:What's the report?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, oh, oh,
Isaac Allen Burns:Give me
Joe Diametti:a summary.
Isaac Allen Burns:What have you learned?
Annie Hawthorne:Do you know who my father is? You can't speak to
Isaac Allen Burns:me that way. I fought with your father.
Annie Hawthorne:Well, let me let me give you my report then. I mean, you know, there was there was a town. It was attacked by by Justinian forces called called Bracken Road near the mountains, and I know everything, but it the attack began under the cover of darkness at approximately 08:40 p. M. It
Isaac Allen Burns:Enough about the attack soldier. I care more about just
Annie Hawthorne:You care more about just Donis' military movements. Of course, you do. I know exactly what they're doing right now. I know exactly what they're doing right now. They're deploying and maneuvering.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay.
Annie Hawthorne:They have tanks. They have battalions of tanks. And they also have support from infantry and the sky. The sky? I think they have satellites.
Isaac Allen Burns:Satellites.
Annie Hawthorne:It says reconnaissance, which I think means information gathering, but I'm not sure.
Isaac Allen Burns:That would okay. That translates.
Annie Hawthorne:They also have a very strategic posture right now. And that is that is what
Isaac Allen Burns:What do you mean they have a strategic posture? What's their strategic posture, soldier?
Annie Hawthorne:They're they're denying any involvement. The officials of just saying aren't denying any involvement.
Isaac Allen Burns:I see. Any news from the monarchal capital of Regulus? Has the queen said anything of where we should be going?
Annie Hawthorne:Probably. Hang on. That was in here somewhere, I'm sure. She should see this being over. From where?
Annie Hawthorne:What? Where's what's the capital? Regulus, soldier. Regulus? I I don't I don't see Regulus statue
Isaac Allen Burns:of your father in the middle of a town square in Regulus, and you don't even know it's the capital. By all nine gods, Byron Stormwater.
Annie Hawthorne:I don't see Regulus on here. Are you sure that that's the name No. Of the capital of How our great do you spell what what letter does it start with?
Isaac Allen Burns:What about the Grand Army of Vol'Dayne?
Annie Hawthorne:No. The Grand Army of Vol'Dayne. That's right here. War councils have convened in Regulus. There we go.
Annie Hawthorne:There's Regulus.
Isaac Allen Burns:We finally got there.
Annie Hawthorne:So the army is discussing pulling heavy infantry into closer to Al Janabai. I think that's what that's as I sounded it out in my head. Nothing's been approved yet. And we don't have any war councils planned to continue. I I think we're trying to gather intelligence.
Isaac Allen Burns:So sounds like we're just gonna point our guns at each other and wait for one of us to shoot a bite of bone. What a headache this is.
Annie Hawthorne:I don't I don't see that in here.
Isaac Allen Burns:Any signs of the Jastani troops who attacked? Where did they go, soldier? Any word?
Annie Hawthorne:I think that section is is is classified because it's all blacked out. It's redacted. It's redacted. That's the word. Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne:Redacted. I'm sorry. Is only for that is only for
Joe Diametti:Is there words redacted in
Rowan Collins:there? Yeah. There's redacted words.
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. It's a it's it's only it's a need to know basis on your you don't need to know, frankly.
Isaac Allen Burns:Wow. Seems that way. I am only the lieutenant colonel here of this Viscounty. Why would they tell me anything? Well, what if Polaris?
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, movement from those mages?
Annie Hawthorne:The mages. Give me a second.
Isaac Allen Burns:Too busy with their wands up their ass, or they're moving?
Joe Diametti:Is there a water mark
Rowan Collins:on it? Yeah.
Joe Diametti:Unbelievable. It's confidential. The quality. When did we get this kind of production quality?
Annie Hawthorne:When when Isaac had too much time on his hands.
Rowan Collins:I think Isaac yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns:I don't I don't have all day, Byron Stormonton. Only have
Rowan Collins:two minutes
Annie Hawthorne:left. Polaris. The Polaris Council of War has remained silent since the attack. The Council of Knowledge has convened an Eidolon to discuss strategic containment. Clover Of Towers has disappeared.
Annie Hawthorne:Airborne squadrons have been noted near the Vol'Dayn border in the Gulf Of Vol'Dayn. No involvement for Polaris in the attack, initial investigations suggest.
Isaac Allen Burns:I see. So the purple bastards had nothing to do with it.
Annie Hawthorne:Heavy surveillance is is is recommended.
Isaac Allen Burns:I see.
Annie Hawthorne:Because they could still have had something to do with it.
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, captain captain stormwater, seems we're gonna have our hands busy. I imagine that many of the other places around here are gonna be sending troops our way to bolster up our defenses. You So gotta look sharp. Okay?
Annie Hawthorne:Are you telling me I don't look sharp?
Isaac Allen Burns:You look sharp in clothing, but not sharp in wit. Anyways Well,
Annie Hawthorne:I just speak to my father about this, and I turn around and slam the door.
Isaac Allen Burns:Don't wet yourself on the way out or you'll piss all over your father's good name. We see the lieutenant colonel stands up weary and goes to her meeting, which was with a cigar and the back patio. She lights up a smoke, looks out, and sighs knowing that the job's been real cushy for the last ten years, but seems like things are about to get way more intense. I loved that.
Annie Hawthorne:That was fun. Alright.
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, gang, three weeks have passed since the encounter at the Sage's Grove that ended perhaps on a bit of a low note. But that's in the past, and three weeks have gone by. And I wanna know, Kapi, what is the nightmare that has plagued you as you have come in and out of consciousness for these last three weeks?
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I think Kapi has just been having the worst fever dream of his life. It's just Cyrus telling him he needs to take things more seriously. You see a flash of adventurers that are with Kapi and they seem to be near a riverbed and they're trying to make things happen. And the adventurers with him are all blurred in their faces and their bodies and they're swirling and they're going in and out of Kapi and Crank and back to the swirls that are unidentifiable.
Joe Diametti:Then it cuts to the car and they're trying to shove.
Rowan Collins:Not the car.
Joe Diametti:They're trying to shove Scarlet in it and he's trying to get there. He just can't seem to get to the car before it closes the door. And then right
Isaac Allen Burns:as
Joe Diametti:he goes to hit the handle, Craig crashes into it. And then it, you know, it just keeps playing on that over and over again, through.
Isaac Allen Burns:It cycles through, each time slightly different. Towards the end of it, Kapi, the dream begins to turn even darker. As you're watching these scenes play out, you see this strange black miasma, like pooling oil on the ground that begins to move towards you. You see it rises up creating these strange sinewy figures that descend upon all of the people you see in your dreams. You see them get swallowed up by shadow.
Isaac Allen Burns:You feel the earth beneath you rumbling. And just as you begin to feel it falling out from underneath you as though something is trying to consume you, your eyes pop open. You're in a bed. It looks like a clinic of some kind. There's a woman there dressed like a nurse, but also like a priestess.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's right. This is sister Eleanor. She is a sort of plump orc with a cute button nose and a big smile. And she looks at you and with a with just a big toothy grin, she says, oh, well, hey. You're awake.
Isaac Allen Burns:Good. Good. Good. Good. You've been coming in and out for a while, but it seems you're out of it.
Joe Diametti:Great. Where am I?
Isaac Allen Burns:You're in the Algenabai Cathedral. We've set up a space for some of the refugees that came down more in critical condition, and we brought them here. You've given us quite a scare, but, you know, we've we've done good for you. We think you're gonna be right back in his reign. What?
Isaac Allen Burns:Your friends are really excited.
Joe Diametti:What happened? Where my friends where's Pistachio and Cranker? Are they okay?
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. Well, they're waiting for you outside, but the doctor's gonna come in and discharge you. And by doctor, I, of course, mean father Charles.
Joe Diametti:Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. You doing okay? You doing alright? You were mumbling quite a bit under your breath.
Joe Diametti:I think so. There was a grove?
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay. Yeah. No. That's nice. That's good.
Isaac Allen Burns:A grove. Okay. On a scale of one to 10, how much pain are you in right now, would you say? Particularly in your back. None.
Isaac Allen Burns:Perfect. Great. Wonderful. Okay. So we're gonna discharge you today.
Isaac Allen Burns:I'm sure in maybe other instances, we would keep you here longer, but as you can probably imagine with the refugee crisis in the city right now, we really can't afford to have, you know, strong able-bodied individuals such as yourself to be taken up beds.
Joe Diametti:Because of my six pack? Sure. Is what is Kapi wearing?
Isaac Allen Burns:I think you're currently just wearing, like, a standard like a gown.
Joe Diametti:I think this is when Kapi realizes it when he goes to touch his six pack. Woah. Wait. Where's my jacket? Really quick, just
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, your clothes are up at the front. You can get those when you're discharged.
Joe Diametti:Okay. Okay. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:Great. Thank you. The doctor will be in here shortly. Uh-huh. She walks over and starts darning some socks by the door.
Isaac Allen Burns:And just as you were wondering what those were there for, a man walks in as the door opens, and you see father Charles. Father Zagan Charles is a elven man with slicked up green hair. He's got an easy smile. He looks no older than you, Kapi, but he moves with an easy grace. He's dressed sort of in, like, a white long jacket.
Isaac Allen Burns:He's wearing a tunic of sorts and some comfortable looking white pants with the symbol of the Ennead on his on his chest, the nine pointed star. Mhmm. He comes and sits down next to you and how you feeling, Kapi? You feeling okay?
Joe Diametti:I'm fine. So Good. I just get up then and hey. Appreciate your work.
Isaac Allen Burns:Good stuff. Yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah. You took quite a you took quite a hit.
Isaac Allen Burns:We really had to dig around in there, get those bullets out of your back.
Joe Diametti:As soon as you say that, he remembers like shielding, like putting the jacket really big as much as you can over pistachio and then it flashes back. Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. Must have been crazy out there. I mean, you know, most of the time bullets of that size, they don't really pierce the skin because of the strength of your soul, but you must have been going through something really tough. Mind asking what was going on out there? What happened to you?
Joe Diametti:Kapi thinks for a second and right as he goes to tell the truth, his paranoia hits. Father, you know, just standard adventuring guild business. You know, sometimes it's a dangerous gig. You know, we do what we can. We protect those that we can.
Joe Diametti:And at the end of the day, we do our best. So, yeah, you know, details, it's a little classified. I I wanna share it. I just you know, official adventure guild
Isaac Allen Burns:Make up a presence role for me to lie to this guy.
Joe Diametti:My presence is a plus two. That's a nine with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns:Very good with hope. He smiles real wide when you say classified, and he just kinda nods a little bit and says, well, you don't have to tell me if you don't want, but just know that I'm here for you, Kapi. I've worked with adventurers before. I'm somewhat of a wandering priest myself after all. Just in here to help with all the refugees and making sure everyone's okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:So something really hit you hard, Kapi. So I just hope
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I things don't really bother me, so but I appreciate your concern and, you know, again, all the work you've done here. Can't thank you enough, doc.
Isaac Allen Burns:Sure. Well, time to get you up out this room. Your friends are in the waiting room waiting for you.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. Okay. Thanks.
Isaac Allen Burns:He stands up and with just sort of a knowing nod and a smile, he strides out. As he leaves, the sister Eleanor puts the socks that she was darning in a jar that was kept by the door, and she nods at you and leaves following him.
Joe Diametti:K.
Isaac Allen Burns:Pistachio and Crank. It has been, again, three weeks since the event. Now Bracken Road is a couple days north of Algenabai, the provincial capital. So obviously, some of the time that was spent was traveling down, but what have y'all been doing in the last two weeks? Y'all haven't had a chance yet to visit the adventuring guild of Algenabai, and it probably wouldn't have felt good to go without Kapi after all.
Isaac Allen Burns:So what's been going on? What's new?
Rowan Collins:Well, before we would have left Bracken Road and gone on the road, I know that Pistachio would have checked out and and gone to grandpa Mac's house just to check off and make sure he's okay. And then when we got to El Genabai, they'd be like they would have been setting up with their family, making sure kind of helping them find jobs, and then just, like, incessantly, like, visiting Kapi whenever they possibly can.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. You it was easy actually to visit Kapi as consistently as you were because your mom was also in that clinic having her legs treated. Treated. Mhmm. Where are y'all staying right now?
Isaac Allen Burns:Are y'all staying more in a refugee camp? Do you think y'all were able to snag some kind of apartment or some kind of dwelling?
Rowan Collins:I think Hazel, Wally, and Pistachio would have saved, like, a little nest fund. Certainly, Hazel would have, like, had something because she would have eventually wanted to have a pipe dream of moving out and paving her own way. They probably dipped into that, like, the personal fund to put the family up in some sort of better lodging. It's still not very good. It's pretty shabby.
Rowan Collins:There's maybe, like, two bedrooms, so everybody is kind of on top of each other. And one of the bedrooms is definitely prioritized for Almond and her healing. So the rest of them are all shoved into one bedroom, and then, like, Pistachio sleeps
Rowan Collins:on the floor.
Isaac Allen Burns:Nice. Three adults sharing one room. Oh, boy.
Rowan Collins:Oh, good.
Isaac Allen Burns:Crank, what about you? What have you been up to these last few weeks?
Annie Hawthorne:I think Crank has been in a pretty dark place. I think that he feels like he failed his, like, only objective by letting his friends get hurt. And on top of that, he's, like, lost the ability to do magic. So I think on the way out of Brecken Road, he would have stopped just outside the gate, and he would have buried Timmy the turnip into the ground back into Mother Earth's embrace. And he would have just, like, found a rock, put it over just as a marker.
Isaac Allen Burns:As those are buried in the ground, Crank, you look up and you see that the oldest tree in Brackenrout, one that stood tall for two hundred and fifty years, seems to be withering as a small little leaf falls from it for the first time.
Annie Hawthorne:And I think he also would have taken his cape off, and I think that he would have wrapped the crystal that he has from the mage of Polaris very carefully within it and stored it somewhere where it wouldn't get damaged. But I think that he's just really being hard on himself for letting his friends get hurt.
Isaac Allen Burns:The two of you, Crank and Pistachio, you're sitting out in the waiting room. It is exactly a waiting room. There are a couple other people in here just kinda sitting and waiting. This is a part of the cathedral. You're sort of in a side wing of it where a lot of priests have come in recently due to the refugee crisis.
Isaac Allen Burns:So things are a little abuzz, but in a moment, things have quieted down. One of the nurses has come out and said that your friend is gonna be out soon. But you have a moment, just the two of you, sitting out in this waiting room.
Rowan Collins:Do you
Rowan Collins:think that Crank and Pistachio has have been talking this whole time?
Annie Hawthorne:I don't think Crank has been doing a lot of talking at all.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. I don't think I think Pistachio hasn't either. So Yeah.
Rowan Collins:Hi, Craig. Long time no see.
Annie Hawthorne:Hello, Pistachio.
Rowan Collins:How have you been for the last few weeks? Have you have you found a machinist?
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. I did find a machinist. He helped me out. He fixed my my audio receptor for me, and and it's it's actually, like, a little bit loud. But he said I could turn it down if I needed to.
Annie Hawthorne:Then Good. Yeah. The dent is gone, and my door opens again.
Rowan Collins:Oh, good. I was
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah.
Rowan Collins:Had seen that your dent was was gone. That's not something
Isaac Allen Burns:The two front doors swam open. Oh, gosh. A man is wheeled in in a bed that has wheels on it as two doctors are holding on for dear life. One of them is holding onto his chest that's gushing blood and looks at one of the nurses and said, I need ten cc stat of a major healing potion, and I need it right now. Oh my You see another one, a very handsome doctor, looks and says, doctor Mackenzie, you can't save every single one.
Isaac Allen Burns:Sometimes you have to let go. And the other doctor looks and says, by both bone and blade, I'm gonna make sure that this dock worker stays alive. And then they kiss, and then they run with the man in a bed into another room, almost running over Kapi who is standing there.
Rowan Collins:Oh oh my god, Kapi.
Rowan Collins:Oh, hey. And they immediately, like, just, like, go to, like, hug you and then stop for a second, and then realizing that you just got stabbed in the back and go and, like, instead wrap around your leg and hold your leg really hard.
Rowan Collins:And go, happy I missed you so much.
Isaac Allen Burns:How are you doing?
Joe Diametti:Hey, kid. Hey. It's fine. I'm good. Look at me.
Joe Diametti:Look at me. I'm good.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. You're alive. Did the doctor give you any instructions? You had a back injury. Right?
Rowan Collins:So if you cannot hold anything more than 10 pounds, I will open all doors for you. Do they have you on a specific diet?
Joe Diametti:Pistachio. What? Doctor was actually amazed at my recovery.
Rowan Collins:Oh, okay.
Joe Diametti:Said that I might have recovered faster than anyone they've ever seen recover.
Rowan Collins:Uh-huh. Right. Okay.
Joe Diametti:You know? So I don't I don't you don't have to take care of me with pistachio. It's I really, I think it was a minor injury.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh.
Joe Diametti:You know?
Rowan Collins:That didn't look like a minor injury.
Joe Diametti:I think the couple days that I was in here was probably a bit of an over exaggerate. You know, it's probably, you know, just being precautious, and I get it. Right? They're doctors and they're priests, and, you know, I understand why they're what's up, big guy?
Annie Hawthorne:I think Crank is just like standing back, like very sheepishly. Like, hi, Kapi. I'm glad you're feeling better.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. Kapi, a couple of days. Try three weeks.
Joe Diametti:Three weeks?
Rowan Collins:Three weeks. My bum feel healed better and faster than you did.
Joe Diametti:Okay. Wait. Your mom was here?
Rowan Collins:Yes. She was here.
Joe Diametti:How close to me?
Rowan Collins:But they didn't give you a, like, list or anything, like, any sort of to dos. I really feel like that that that is something that she they should have done. Pistachio looks around for a nurse and goes, nurse, nurse, excuse me, nurse.
Isaac Allen Burns:You see that there is a plump orc woman with a cute button nose and a big smile that says, hi. Yeah.
Rowan Collins:Oh, hi. Hi. Hello. Hi. Do you have a discharge sheet for this one?
Rowan Collins:I know probably back injuries, no lifting things for greater than 10 pounds, no, like Stashio. Stashio. Stashio. Stashio. Am talking here.
Joe Diametti:Happy. Sorry.
Rowan Collins:Any more like a no more 10 pounds.
Joe Diametti:I lean over to Crank. How long have they been like this?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, the entire time. Yeah.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I think I, you know, I think I just need to go up and get my clothes, This this gown, you know, I know it's probably showing some people what they'd wanna see, but, you know, I I I'm I'm just missing my clothes. So I just need to get my jacket and, you know, my pants, and I'll I'll be on I'll be on my way.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. And we don't have any forms. We ran out of paper about four days ago, so it's just an honor system now. You just get discharged and just don't get shot again. Don't get hurt.
Isaac Allen Burns:Just
Joe Diametti:don't
Rowan Collins:It's get shot totally fine. We could take verbal quackers, and a pistachio will snap, and a little bent neck duck will walk over, which has a notebook and a pen in hand and just goes like,
Isaac Allen Burns:I'm sorry. Pets are not allowed
Rowan Collins:inside of window. Is my best friend before these guys were my best friends.
Isaac Allen Burns:It's the the duck there?
Rowan Collins:Yes. This is Quackers. Say hi, Quackers.
Joe Diametti:Quack.
Rowan Collins:See?
Joe Diametti:Kapi's, like, pinching the bridge of his nose behind Pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns:You know, the only instruction that I really have is just do whatever you can to make it so that he doesn't come back here because we really are running out of beds right now. So, current instruction for you and your friends is go ahead and exit out of the waiting room. Thank you so much.
Joe Diametti:I'm just gonna get my clothes replaced. There was
Isaac Allen Burns:a dock worker who got stabbed in the chest. I have to go help him out, unfortunately. So you all have a wonderful day.
Joe Diametti:Yes. Thank you, Nerd.
Isaac Allen Burns:I can take you and your goose outside so that nothing will get sick
Rowan Collins:Ballard, but okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:As you're mostly pushed outside, Kapi, you're back to being dressed. You got your jacket back.
Joe Diametti:I did?
Isaac Allen Burns:It did. Yeah. The holes have been patched up. They've been sewn by an expert seamstress.
Joe Diametti:Thank god. See? Feel like me again. This is great. Hey, Crank.
Annie Hawthorne:Hey, Kapi. Are you naked? Oh, yeah. Where's your cape? It's in a safe place.
Annie Hawthorne:I didn't feel like I deserved it anymore.
Joe Diametti:What?
Isaac Allen Burns:So sad.
Joe Diametti:I lean over to Pistachio. How long has he been like this?
Rowan Collins:He's been like this the whole time for three weeks. I think he blames himself for not being able to save us.
Joe Diametti:Guys, we're alive. Crank, you did everything you could. We're alive.
Annie Hawthorne:I didn't fulfill my purpose. The only reason you were in there for three weeks is because I failed. Well
Joe Diametti:That's
Rowan Collins:not Actually, the only reason he was in there for three weeks was because I felt that we could take on an entire Justani cohort of people who are way stronger than us.
Isaac Allen Burns:You know
Joe Diametti:what I'm I'm seeing a lack of direction. You guys missed your boss. Right? So I'm back. Mhmm.
Joe Diametti:Kapi's here.
Rowan Collins:Yep.
Joe Diametti:Crank, you did everything you could. I'm just happy that you're here, bud.
Annie Hawthorne:I didn't do everything I could,
Joe Diametti:though. Pistachio?
Annie Hawthorne:Couldn't protect you. I couldn't protect the staff. I don't deserve to do magic.
Rowan Collins:I think that's a very harsh statement about yourself, Craig. One, failure doesn't mean that you're not allowed to do magic. If that was the case, then I shouldn't be doing magic ever.
Annie Hawthorne:But Well, if I can't even do what I'm designed to do, how am I supposed to do magic? Well You almost died, Kapi.
Joe Diametti:Woah. Woah.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. You I didn't crank.
Joe Diametti:You're gonna you're gonna bounce back from this. I believe that you deserve to do magic. I believe that you've protected us. You know, I get it. The last couple days have probably been rough, but we're all gonna bounce back.
Annie Hawthorne:Titanium doesn't bounce, Kapi, and I walk away.
Isaac Allen Burns:Craig walks away.
Rowan Collins:Okay. We need to tear him up. Quackers.
Joe Diametti:When when did you get a duck?
Rowan Collins:Oh, this is Quackers. I got him from grandpa Max Farb. Quackers was went there he he was my pet when I was well, he was my best friend when I was, like, you know, ten years younger. And then What? Yeah.
Rowan Collins:My parents sent him to grandpa Back's house. Uh-huh. And I went to go track on grandpa Back on the way out. Quackers was there.
Isaac Allen Burns:What? Why
Joe Diametti:is his neck like that?
Rowan Collins:I was trying to heal him from when he broke his neck his first time, but I didn't quite know what I was doing, so it kind of bent in a funny direction. So that's why his neck is like that. Ain't that right, Quackers?
Joe Diametti:Yeah. Cute duck.
Rowan Collins:He is pretty cute, isn't he?
Joe Diametti:He Have we, checked into the Adventures Guild yet?
Rowan Collins:No. We were waiting for you, Kapi. It wouldn't feel right to do it without our boss.
Joe Diametti:Okay. I reach for I feel my jacket and I pull out the recommendation that I still have. Okay. Hey, Crank.
Annie Hawthorne:Hey, Kapi.
Joe Diametti:Let's go check into the Adventures Guild.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay. As you leave, you walk the streets. And let's take a moment right now to build Algenabai. Vol'Dayn is a large country, and a majority of its produce comes from Algenabai. And all of the exporting and business around that business happens here in Algenabai, situated at the confluence of the great Proud River that eventually runs to the North Sea and the Bracken tributary that runs up north towards Bracken Road, of course.
Isaac Allen Burns:It is a place of ports and docks. It is a place much larger than Bracken Road. Now just to be clear, you know, this is a large city. This is not a huge city. Right?
Isaac Allen Burns:We're not talking New York City. We're not talking New Orleans. We're talking kinda like a brewery city, you know, where the city is kinda big. It's got like a downtown place with a couple of skyscrapers, but, like, the only real thing to do around there is breweries. That's the size that we're talking about.
Isaac Allen Burns:Right? It's large enough to be spread into districts. The docks being a major district district where where ships ships are are coming coming and and going, going, piers lining the river like the bristles of a comb. And outside the city, you have the manors, big swaths of land both for farming and for hunting, owned by some of the nobles around this area, the largest of which, of course, is the manor of the current Viscount Balthasar. Now as the city itself, I'm curious, Pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns:What is the thing that so emphasizes to Pistachio that you are in a much larger city than Bracken Road?
Rowan Collins:I think they have not just a library,
Rowan Collins:they have like a bookstore, coffee shop. Books upon books upon books. There's clearly people that come here not just for, like, going for a festival. They're going for, like, leisure, and people will stay here a few days. So because of that, there's, like, leisure activities.
Rowan Collins:So there's a bookstore coffee shop that has a couple of things that Pistachio has never seen before, maybe, like, a small theater that put on puts on plays. And Pistachio's never been to the theater before, and they're, like, in the same strip. It's, like, an entertainment strip.
Isaac Allen Burns:One of the districts is the entertainment district. I have to know what the bookstore coffee shop combo is called.
Rowan Collins:It is called man, I definitely wish I would have them.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's a long name. Man, I definitely wish I would have them.
Rowan Collins:Yes. Sorry.
Joe Diametti:No. Cannon is talking about this. I have
Rowan Collins:a better name. Give me a second. Morning pages.
Isaac Allen Burns:Morning pages. I love that. I love that so much. Morning pages. Yes.
Isaac Allen Burns:Morning pages. Crank, what is Crank's sense of how he is perceived here versus Bracken Road? Would you say it's pretty similar to where people are looking at you like something they've never seen before? Are people more aloof and don't even look at you, or are people excited to see you? How would you think it's different?
Annie Hawthorne:I think that people here know what, like, a defender mocked who is on a, like, theoretical level. Mhmm. I don't think I've ever seen
Isaac Allen Burns:one. Oh.
Annie Hawthorne:So I think it's oh my goodness. I've heard of those, but I've never seen one. Do you see that? And it's like an air of curiosity and, like, intense, like, interest.
Joe Diametti:And crank hears all of it because he has the fixed
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, and I hear every
Joe Diametti:tear every Yeah. I just
Isaac Allen Burns:like So it's like when you're driving and people see, like, car that someone has clearly kept up, and it's,
Annie Hawthorne:like Yeah. Like really?
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. And less, like, when you pass by a Cybertruck.
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. I don't think it's a Cybertruck. I think have you ever been driving and seen, like, a Maserati and been like, oh my god. It's a Maserati. It's like that.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. Yeah. I definitely have. I I know what a Maserati looks like. Day to me.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne:I've seen several around.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh. Yeah. There's a couple.
Joe Diametti:Manny lives a very different life.
Isaac Allen Burns:Feeling like a Maserati, you're walking through these streets. Sure enough, your ears are picking up a bunch of things. And something you see as you're kinda going along, you actually notice there's an individual, sort of piques your interest crank as you're walking through town. It's this fairy akin to a Luna moth with these sort of gossamer wings behind it, a face that suggests a mixture of suspicion and also nervousness as they're kinda like eyes are darting around in all direction. The reason they stick out to you is because their clothes are the sort of deep purple of Polaris.
Isaac Allen Burns:But they're just sort of walking around. They, in fact, they, like, see you. They don't really take a second look at you. They go across the street and cross away and disappear into the crowd. Kapi, I'm curious for you.
Isaac Allen Burns:What is it about this city that gives Kapi a little bit of nostalgia? Like, a sense of familiarity here. Maybe not with the place itself, but rather in thinking about Kapi's past or where he's come from. What is it about this city that kind of wells up with a Yeah. Almost long familiarity from deep with him?
Joe Diametti:The cobblestone streets.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh. The cobblestone streets. I like it. Yeah. They're big cobblestones.
Isaac Allen Burns:They're sort of worn down from carts, but also in the walkways on the side that you go through. The uneven the unevenness of the stones is almost comforting having walked the dirt and grass streets that Bracken Road was mostly made of.
Joe Diametti:And the slanted, like, clay colored roofs that have, like, those grooves in them that make it easy to, like, stand on or sit on, but kinda, like, hide as well.
Isaac Allen Burns:I love that so much. Yes. That is what the roofs are. You're looking up. The buildings in Bracken Road were kinda far apart from each other.
Isaac Allen Burns:Remember, this was, a small town. Equivalent to a town you'd pass through on a highway that bisects the whole thing with one stoplight in it. Not enough to do any kind of rooftop shenanigans. But even now, as you look up, every so often, you see a familiar shadow of someone running across the rooftops. Beautiful.
Isaac Allen Burns:Amazing. I love the city, the city of Aljanipa. I love it so much. You're walking through, headed to the guild office.
Rowan Collins:I do think there might be one thing we need to do before we go to the Avengers' Guild.
Joe Diametti:Which is?
Rowan Collins:Well, Craig's naked, and that's not appropriate.
Joe Diametti:We're going shopping? Yeah. I don't wanna go shopping. You could have done this in three weeks when I was passed out.
Rowan Collins:Well, Kathy, you have the best idea on fashion.
Joe Diametti:No. I have my jacket Well, that I look extremely good in, but I make the jacket look good. The jacket isn't what makes me look good.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. But, like Uh-huh. I was thinking we could get Crank a new hat to start his new adventure, and I just need your opinion on what would be best.
Joe Diametti:Crank, you wanna go shopping?
Annie Hawthorne:I don't deserve a new hat.
Joe Diametti:Alright. We're going shopping.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. You head on out. Somebody roll me let's see. For how good of a shop you find. Let's just go ahead.
Isaac Allen Burns:Some why don't you give me an instinct roll? Somebody give me an instinct roll.
Rowan Collins:I'll do it. Since that was my idea to go shopping.
Isaac Allen Burns:Here we go.
Rowan Collins:Is that a crit?
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh my goodness. Is it?
Annie Hawthorne:That was Amazing.
Rowan Collins:That's a double seven crit, y'all. Nice. Give me the best cobbler you have.
Joe Diametti:Cut to, like, slow mo us, like, going into a shop, like, busting open the door, slow mo walking in the I'm gonna make the thrift shop song is playing in the background. Custom.
Isaac Allen Burns:Copyright. No. You walk in to a very fine establishment. Actually, Annie, what's this establishment called? The finest clothier you could find.
Annie Hawthorne:Fillmore's Fabrics. Oh.
Isaac Allen Burns:Fillmore's Fabrics. You step in
Rowan Collins:Fine filmmakers.
Isaac Allen Burns:And you see. I'm gonna make this crib for me, actually. Okay? You step in, and you see Philmore himself. It is a Dracona.
Isaac Allen Burns:He is lithe. His clothes fit in all the right ways and in all the right places. He has a long multicolored scarf that goes well with his outfit even though it is sort of getting to the end of springtime. He turns around to see you and says, well, hello, my three beautiful people. You have come in here naked as the day you are born, wanting some beautiful threads that will simply make you splendiferous.
Isaac Allen Burns:Am I wrong, assembled man?
Annie Hawthorne:Do all Dracono speak like this?
Isaac Allen Burns:Yes. We have an accent. We are born with it. Maybe it's
Annie Hawthorne:a baby. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:So you come to me now. Be dirty nothing. What's pray tell? No. Say nothing.
Isaac Allen Burns:Say nothing at all. Simply close your eyes and follow my beautiful voice, and I will take you to a land, a land of fashion. Fashion. A place you have no doubt been before. Yes?
Annie Hawthorne:I don't know if my eyes close.
Isaac Allen Burns:Brushing by that, I simply prefer that you not look at me as I lead you over to this wonderful bed of roses that will become the fabric and threads that make a new you.
Joe Diametti:Can we do a montage?
Isaac Allen Burns:Absolutely. We can do a montage.
Joe Diametti:Like, Kapi and Pistachio are sitting, you know, like outside awaiting and like Crank comes out in various different
Rowan Collins:Like, first Crank comes out in a fez with like a giant doctor outfit. I mean,
Annie Hawthorne:I feel like Crank in in his headspace right now is just standing there. Yeah. And Filmore is just running around like draping stuff on him and throwing hats on his head and being like, no no no. That's not right.
Joe Diametti:Cut to Crank walking out with the cowboy hat and the spurs.
Rowan Collins:And I I'm pissed at you.
Rowan Collins:Was like, yeah. I really like that one.
Joe Diametti:No. No. No. Cut to cut to bowler hat, Crank.
Annie Hawthorne:I don't know if this is working, guys.
Rowan Collins:With like a like a two piece suit. Pistachio goes, I
Rowan Collins:don't think so. Keep work. Keep keep going. Keep going.
Isaac Allen Burns:You see that Filmore, Tazza Tasmanian devil, his lower half is just a tornado going around you, taking measurements and putting in threads until finally he says, wait a minute. Wait just a single moment. Take off the bald cap. I have the perfect thing for you. And you see that he goes to the back.
Isaac Allen Burns:He comes out with the perfect hat. Annie, what is the perfect hat for Crank for season two in Algenabai?
Annie Hawthorne:I think that it is just a classic wizard tent with the wide brim and the pointy top.
Rowan Collins:Is it blue?
Annie Hawthorne:It's not blue.
Isaac Allen Burns:What color is it?
Annie Hawthorne:I think it's like a very deep burgundy color. Oh. I don't I don't know. I think it's just a classic wizard's hat. I think it's very new looking.
Annie Hawthorne:The way that Adrian's hat was crushed, it's just straight up. Like, you know, a witch hat.
Isaac Allen Burns:He Fillmore brings this out. He's touching it so gingerly. Crank. This hat was given to me by a fallen foe that I defeated in combat years ago. I took it from him.
Isaac Allen Burns:I straightened it out and steamed all of the nastiness out of it. This here is a fresh hat for one as you. I feel the magic in you. You've got the magic, baby.
Joe Diametti:Yep. Sold. How much is it?
Annie Hawthorne:It's it's not quite what I'm looking for, I don't think. But I, like, take it from him and I turn it in my hands. And then I drop it on the floor and I step on it. And then I pick it up and it's crumpled just the way Mhmm. Adrian's was.
Isaac Allen Burns:It is a work of art. That is what was missing.
Annie Hawthorne:And then I say, it's perfect.
Isaac Allen Burns:May I place it upon your head?
Annie Hawthorne:Sure.
Isaac Allen Burns:You see that he picks it up so gingerly and lightly, places it on your head, tilts it a little to the side, and he lets go, and it fits perfectly on your head. And he says, welcome to the land of fashion. Wait. With this hat also comes a cloak of the same color and the same material. This, you can step on it if you want.
Isaac Allen Burns:I also have a small knife if you want to cut a hole in it. Oh, I'll just your name
Annie Hawthorne:on is now, and I'll I'll figure it out later.
Isaac Allen Burns:I can gut one of your friends, and we can put their blood on it as well. Is that what we could do?
Annie Hawthorne:I don't know if that's necessary. Think I'll just take these. And I'm, like, looking at myself in the mirror, and I'm just like, I still don't feel like I deserve this hat.
Joe Diametti:You Crank.
Annie Hawthorne:The Hats are for wizards, and I'm not a wizard.
Joe Diametti:Crank, he the fabric man chose this. We didn't even tell him you wanted to be a wizard.
Rowan Collins:Yeah.
Joe Diametti:You think that's coincidence?
Isaac Allen Burns:My name is Filmore, not Fabricman.
Joe Diametti:Filmore, how much is it? I'll buy. For you,
Isaac Allen Burns:Frank, there is no price that I could put upon the perfect feet that you have. However, for you who insulted my name and did not know what it was and called me a name that wasn't mine, that is going to be the equivalent of three handfuls of gold.
Joe Diametti:Three handfuls?
Isaac Allen Burns:That is right. From a shyster. Is this a shyster?
Joe Diametti:I feel for my jacket, and I realize that I don't have any money anymore. Pistachio's actually gonna pay. Thanks, Pistachio.
Rowan Collins:Mister Philboar, do you take IOU credit?
Isaac Allen Burns:Tiny one. Mhmm. I see the threads you wear were made with love by your own hands. The sweater
Rowan Collins:Yes.
Isaac Allen Burns:That you wear Uh-huh. It was made by yourself. Yes? Yeah. You have the confidence and strength to wear the fruits of your own labor.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. And for that, a fellow artisan, I could never take your money for it would be besmirchen, my very good name.
Rowan Collins:Would the cost of my sweater be enough?
Isaac Allen Burns:How dare you speak to me in this way? You insult me. I already tell you. I charge you nothing.
Rowan Collins:Oh, okay. That's what that means. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm new to the way that fashion works.
Isaac Allen Burns:That is right. This is how fashion works. Okay. This is how it works. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:Do not question me. Alright. I'm I'm just I'm entirely consistent.
Rowan Collins:I am
Joe Diametti:And do you do you like my jacket?
Isaac Allen Burns:Do not speak to me. I do not like you. If that wasn't clear
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I got it.
Isaac Allen Burns:You have insulted me.
Rowan Collins:I've never bought clothes before. I've only made them. So this is like this is like yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns:You tiny one. Yeah. Say for me your name once more. Pistachio. Like music to my ears.
Rowan Collins:Oh god.
Isaac Allen Burns:You, would you do me the honor of being the one to create the first clothing from another person that you wear? Yeah. Then it is time for another montage. We skip past the montage. We skip past the Pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns:How do you leave?
Rowan Collins:Pistachio has learned in the last couple of weeks that sweaters are not ideal for adventuring. So they are instead outfitted with a long sleeve cotton shirt plus some overalls with some pockets in them that looks pretty fashionable and cute, but also is way better for adventuring.
Isaac Allen Burns:Quackers walks out with a bow tie, and Kapi walks out with nothing.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. What's with that guy?
Rowan Collins:I think it's because you insulted his very beak.
Isaac Allen Burns:That works in a routine.
Joe Diametti:If I had a handful, I'll tell you.
Isaac Allen Burns:I had a handful.
Annie Hawthorne:For art purposes, I think the hat is black at the tip and goes to burgundy, and the cape is burgundy at the top and goes to black at the bottom. Dope. I love that.
Isaac Allen Burns:As you leave Fillmore's, you're walking through, headed to the guild office, the place that is probably the most likely for y'all to go to perhaps get a lay of the land, find some employment, get more information. You walk up and see this stately stone building that overlooks a lively plaza near the middle of the city. Not exactly the town square itself, but kind of an open green area where you see some couples sitting on blankets and having some food. You see some young children playing. You see a ribbit man with his long tongue eating a fly from a distance.
Isaac Allen Burns:But you step up to this adventuring guild and can immediately feel the difference. The Bracken Road Adventuring Guild, a much smaller thing. This thing here has three stories. And as you step into it, that's where we're gonna end this episode of Dodoborne. Tune in next time when our heroes see what's inside the new adventuring guild, or I guess not the new one, but the, like, bigger one.
Isaac Allen Burns:Squawk on three. One, two, three. Squawk. Hey. It's a podcast.